I had a feeling she wanted to say something else. And that I knew exactly what it was.

And I didn’t feel offended. I felt...suddenly, strangely excited.

“None of your friends have misgendered me all night,” I said slowly, trying to figure out how to approach this. It all made sense now. That Lily must have seen my pin. And remembered. Which wasn’t actually a small thing at all. “It’s been really nice.”

“Oh,” she said, shrugging. “Of course.”

“I’ve thought about wearing...other things,” I said after a beat. “Just to try something different. But I don’t know...how to make it not look ridiculous?”

She turned toward me again, one corner of her mouth curved upward.

“What do you mean, ridiculous?”

“I mean,” I motioned toward my body. “This is never going to be a Harry Styles situation. I am never going to make that,” I pointed to her dress, “look good. And I don’t even know if I want that. Even though it’s beautiful. I…” I frowned. Well, damn. Apparently the magic of Moonie’s, and Lily, and too much gin wasn’t going to make this any easier. I had been feeling hopeful there for a second.

I leaned back against the bar and let out a breath.

“I only started wearing that they/them pin a year ago,” I said, deciding to go all in. I’d already almost cried over Morrissey in front of her, so why the fuck not. “The school’s QSA was giving them out. I don’t know if I ever would have even contemplated thinking about myself as non-binary, or genderqueer, or whatever I am, if there weren’t a ton of my students who identify that way now, and other faculty, too. I thought I would...try it.” I scratched at the back of my head. “Fuck, that sounds so dumb. But as soon as I started using they/them, it felt right. Like...I don’t know, like what you were talking about when you wear an outfit that actually fits you for the first time?”

Lily smiled. “Yeah.”

“I imagine it felt kind of like that. There was just this...relief at not having to be a he.”

She nodded, eyes serious.

“When something really fits,” she said carefully, “You suddenly realize how much energy you’ve been unconsciously devoting to not fitting.”