And what about when he told her about Maggie? That would make it almost certain she would leave him. He never told people. He didn’t want their sympathy. But he would have to tell Penny, and then she would look at him differently. At first she might pretend it didn’t matter, but over time she would see him as damaged goods. She might not think that, she might just think she was growing apart from him, but it would be because of what had happened. Who wanted to be with someone with that kind of baggage?

‘No,’ he said. ‘No. I don’t think so.’

‘Oh,’ Penny said. ‘That’s pretty definitive. Is there a reason? It’s only a drink. Trust me, I’m not looking for another relationship right now.’

He shook his head. ‘It’s not that. I can’t.’

She nodded slowly. ‘James. It’s only a drink, but fine. Another time, maybe.’

‘Maybe,’ James said. For a moment he considered telling her the whole story, but the words died on his lips. ‘Maybe.’

3

Carl took a drag on his spliff. ‘Have you got a photo of her?’

‘I think so. We had a team-building day.’ James scrolled through his photos. There was one of him, a guy called Paul, and Penny. ‘That’s her.’

Carl looked at the screen. In the photo, Penny had her hair scraped back in a ponytail. She was wearing a green T-shirt and tight black leggings.

‘You turned her down?’ Carl said. ‘Are you fucking crazy? Or secretly gay? It’s cool if you are. I’ll still be your mate.’

James regretted telling him at all, but they’d had at least six or seven pints of strong lager before coming home and starting on the weed, and he’d found himself explaining what had happened.

‘No, I’m not,’ he said. ‘I’m just not that interested.’

‘Give her my number if she’s looking for someone to help her get over the break-up,’ Carl said. ‘I’ll do it.’

There was a knock on the door. Carl nodded at it. ‘You go,’ he said. ‘I’m still in shock.’

James opened the door of the flat. A tall, thin man in a leather vest looked at him with dark, sunken eyes. He had a shaved head, the veins in his forehead visible.

‘All right, mate,’ he said. ‘Carl in?’

‘Yeah. I’ll get him.’

‘No need. I’ll come right in. Don’t worry, chicken. He knows me.’

James nodded and walked into the living room. The man followed him.

Carl clicked his tongue when he saw him. ‘Well, fuck me,’ he said. ‘Davy. When did you get out?’

‘Two days ago.’

‘Welcome back, mate.’ Carl looked at James. ‘This is Davy. Been a guest of Her Majesty. Davy, this is James.’

‘He living here?’ Davy said.

‘He is. Where you staying?’