Don’t pull on my arm like that! All right? Just don’t. You are not the conversation police here, so far as I’m aware. I am not breaking the law or anything, peeking over into my neighbor’s yard or that kind of deal … these two are going at it right in front of us, and I, for one, find it pretty damn interesting. And you know what? Look around, seriously, take a quick glance, and you’ll see that I’m not the only one. Everybody in the joint is gawking at them. Seriously, look. That woman right there—if you’d turn your head for a second you’d see her—in the orange blouse, no, behind the palm frond, yes. Her. See? Her fork is hovering at her mouth, been that way for, like, ten minutes. So, you know, whatever. Don’t listen, then, go wait in the car if I’m such an embarrassment, I’ll get the check. When don’t I get the check, anyway? It won’t come as a shock … I’m sorry, but it’s not a flaw in my nature, my character or whatnot, because I’m curious to see how the other half lives. You know I’m like that. Yes, I am. I’m always coming home and saying, “Hold on, I need to write this down before I forget it,” and that sort of thing. “You’ll never believe what so-and-so said.” People surprise me, constantly surprise and delight me, and I can’t help it. Wait, now they’re talking about sex. Hold on.

“… then you should’ve had them on hand. I mean, if you want me to use ’em that badly.”

“That is so rotten to say.”

“What?”

“That it’s my problem …”

“I’m not saying that it’s a problem, I’m only stating that—as a fact—if you want something to happen, then you’re usually better off if you make it happen. Be proactive or whatever, instead of just hoping for the best.”

“I asked you to wait …”

“I don’t remember that.”

“I did! I said to please run down to the drugstore on the corner and get some and you wouldn’t, so I said then can we just mess around, not go all out if that was the case. I did say that, I completely remember it.”

“It was late.”

“I know.”

“It was late and cold, too, I think.”

“Yes, but …”

“And so then it becomes my responsibility, right?”

“Well … yeah, basically.”

“Why? Why is that?”

“Because …”

“Yes?”

“It’s … since it’s for your … thing.”

“So?”

“So you should provide for it, then, I guess.”

“That’s quite a theory you’ve got there … Freud’s got nothing on you.”

“Don’t do that. OK? Don’t bully me and make me feel stupid.”