5. ASK HER TO VISIT YOU ON THE SET. And here was the real granddaddy of them all—the public acknowledgment-slash-acceptance of her in front of his peers. Frankly, this girl-slash-woman didn’t seem like a candidate for this one, but he had to give all his greatest hits a whirl before she reached him. If he were to use this one, he would do most of the positive things that he’d already listed above, but then up the ante by inviting her out to Warner Brothers, where he was shooting a thriller-slash-romance with that one girl from the college comedy that did really well last summer. If he had to sweeten the deal—like, if she was spitting mad—he might even promise her a speaking role in the film, which was enough to de-escalate practically any actress he had ever met. And besides, the road from speaking role to “featured extra” was really a simple journey—have her show up on a day that he’s not working and have his assistant deal with all the fallout and disappointment. If she stays around after that—a big if—then send her to wardrobe and have the assistant director—whom he’d gone to college with and who is always ready to help out a friend—use her in that crowd scene that they’ve planned for the late afternoon. This notion was actually fairly generous—she would get paid for the day—and it wouldn’t cost him a thing, even though by the end of the shooting day everybody would know exactly who she was and that could be deadly, especially if he were dating someone else or scoping out some other girl-slash-woman already working on the film. That’s why this one—as easy to pull off as it appeared—held the vaunted last-ditch spot in his “what to do in case of emergencies with girls-slash-women” list.