Where Mr. Parker was a tall, slight, fashionably dressed gentleman of rapid thought, rapid decision, and rapid action, his wife was short, fat, and jolly. Her delight was to spend the entirety of her days being merry in spoiling her husband and children; and when this occupation was impossible due to the lamentable absence of one or the others, she spent her time describing their days and speeches to everyone within the sound of her voice with such exactitude, as to render imagination unnecessary.

Elizabeth, whilst generally not backward in finding humour wherever possible, was entirely unable to suggest any additional topic of interest to Mrs. Parker. She decided to invite the voluble parson and her sister Kitty to dinner, so as to spare herself the exertion of attempting conversation with Mrs. Parker; between the latter and Parson Overstowey, none would be necessary, or, indeed, even possible.

“Oh, what a lovely big room, Mrs. Darcy!” exclaimed Mrs. Parker, entering the drawing-room upon her arrival. “What a mess my children would make of it! They would have the cushions on the floor in a moment, and these China-men! Oh, dear me! Such lovely things! You are so brave to leave them about! Bless me! Mr. Parker and I have long given over having such lovely things just to be broken!”

Lizzy was scarcely able to reply before Mrs. Parker began again. “Upon my soul! Such a beautiful table and so much fruit! However do you contrive to have it at this time of year! And so far to the north of us! Mr. Parker and I have no time for tending to hot-houses, what with Mr. Parker’s business, and how busy I am with the children! My dear mother had ten of us! I do not know how she managed, although, to be sure, even though I was the eldest, I was never wanted about the cooking or tending to the younger ones. It made for a sad business when I was taken to wife! Poor Mr. Parker was a bachelor, you know, and so must have been glad of even my poor dinners, though we had a proper cook.”

Lizzy suppressed the idea of complimenting Mrs. Parker for her marriage to a single man, but took the advantage of Mrs. Parker’s brief pause for breath to ask, “Surely, Mrs. Parker, your dear mother had help?” Here Lizzy was forced to stop her question as Mrs. Parker interrupted.

“La! Oh, I assure you, Mrs. Darcy, we country-folk do not hold with the ways of you city-folk with the governesses and masters! It was all my poor father could do to keep all us girls in gowns and the boys at school with the parson!”