“You asked her for a lot of trust, and she gave it to you. She took all her walls down, went way outside her comfort zone,” Cole said. “And then it looked like you weren’t doing the same for her. That’s what her parents did: they cared less about her than she did about them. They didn’t fight for her or choose her.”

Cole put his hands on her arms, gently, when she began to protest. “I know why your instinct was to run, and why you stayed. I see the huge changes you’ve pushed yourself to make since you got here. But she hasn’t known you as long, and her fear is really big. She might need something more than words to see that you’re fighting for her.”

Miriam threw her hands up in the air, knocking away Cole’s hands. “What would that even look like? How do I fight for someone who’s told me she doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to be with me? Who accused me of knowingly bringing this down on our heads?!”

“Okay, that was shitty, and she was wrong, and you have every right to still be angry about that. If you want to fight for her anyway…” Cole sat on the ground with his elbows propped up on his long knees. “I don’t know for sure, because I’ve never met anyone I’d consider taking all my walls down for, but I think if I had taken my walls down, I would need a pretty big sign from them that they were ready to do the same for me.”

“How can I prove to her that I’m not going anywhere again?”

Cole brought his hands up in a shrug. “What if it’s not about where you’re going? What if it’s about what you’re willing to face right here? She faced her worst fear, being left, for you. Maybe she needs to see that you’ll face your worst fear for her.

“Again, I know nothing about love. And this is only if you actually want to fight for her. Which you need to be sure of. Don’t make some grand gesture if what you want, in your heart of hearts, is a safe, quiet love like what you had with Tara. Don’t try to get Noelle back if you’re not absolutely, one hundred percent all in. That would be the worst thing you could do.”

Miriam didn’t even have to think, she didn’t hesitate. “I do. I want that wild, terrifying, unexpected, untamed love. I want what Cass wanted for me all along—to live a big messy risky life. I’m so tired of keeping myself small so I can’t get hurt, when all it does is hurt all the time anyway. I want her, forever. She’s it for me.”