Chapter 15

Noelle

The week before Christmas, Noelle found Miriam helping a guest’s ten-year-old daughter with her entry for the cookie ornament contest. The ten-year-old’s surly older brother was complaining about his sister getting help from a professional artist, while painstakingly reproducing the Ramones Presidential Seal logo. Miriam was laughing and singing “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight).” Both kids were watching her like she was a mythical creature. Noelle knew she was adorable, but she had not been prepared for her to also be good with kids and know all the words to Ramones songs.

When Miriam looked up and saw Noelle, Noelle made an excuse about needing to check in on everyone. She went to find Hannah, so that Hannah would tell her it was a bad idea to kiss Miriam.

“What if we break up?” she said, bursting into the office without preamble and slamming the door behind her. “What happens then? I’ll tell you what. Miriam gets to keep Carrigan’s. She gets to keep you, and the Matthewses, and my trees, and I get what? I get out on my ass, where I started.”

Hannah stared at her, aghast. “Is that what you’re worried about? That’s fucking absurd. Also hi, please come in.”

Noelle huffed. “Why would it be absurd? It’s a rational fear, Hannah.” She crossed her arms and scowled.

“Why would we choose Miriam? Over you?” Hannah asked, sounding truly lost. “She doesn’t know shit about pine trees, and she hasn’t been here for the past five years pouring her soul into this place.”

“I would choose her over me,” Noelle mumbled, dropping into a chair. She could tell Hannah was trying valiantly not to laugh, and she knew she sounded ridiculous, but damn it she was scared, and some of those fears were reasonable.

“Okay, back up,” Hannah told her, pushing out of her own chair and coming around the desk to perch on the edge of Noelle’s. “We wouldn’t choose either of you and then kick the other one out on their ass. We’re grown-ups who love you both, and that’s not how functional families work. This isn’t really about you losing Carrigan’s. What the hell is going on in your brain?” She ruffled Noelle’s hair, and Noelle reflexively patted it back into place.