Don’t worry, chaps! Renton’s schoolgirl squeeze is totally legal in real life! And as she plays a jailbait hooker in new film Stella Does Tricks, we hope to be seeing a lot more of her, er, talents.

2. Shiv West

The pint-sized teenage frontwoman of up-and-comers Costello has a fuckton of attitude zipped into that catsuit, and with a platinum album ringing in the moola, she seems like the sort of girl who’d give you a Good Time.

3. Manda Rin

Reckon you could make this Bis cutie squeal even louder? Maybe if you showed her your Kandy Pop …

4. Laura Fraser

Form an orderly queue please! The talented teen actress broke hearts in Glasgow gangster flick Small Faces, and with a gorgeous small … face like that, she’s probably used to men fighting over her.

5. Clio Campbell

It’s been a few years since this sexy ginger encouraged gentlemen the world over to Rise Up, but while she prefers to guest on other people’s songs these days, there are those of us who remain firmly, er, arisen …

6. Shirley Manson

Another gorgeous ginge (it’s like they breed ’em up there …), this Stupid Girl is Only Happy When It Rains. Reckon a few Loaded readers would be glad to rain on her parade, eh?

SHIV

Glasgow, 4 February 2017

She was relatively early, but the (admittedly small) room was already packed and, having not expected to be one of the oldest people at a fiftieth birthday party, she felt instantly on edge. Clio was dressed in something sparkling, with a centrifugal whirl of youth and energy around her. Siobhan pulled herself up straighter and steadied her heels, relaxed as the heads turned.

‘Shiv! Shiv! SHIV!’ Clio shouted, stretching her arms out, parting an obedient Red Sea of bodies to create safe passage. Siobhan stretched her arms out too as she approached, mirroring absurdly, aware everyone was watching them, conscious of the whispers as she passed. Yes, yes, it’s me. It had been so long since she’d been out that she’d almost forgotten the rush of validation a home crowd would always give her, even when she wasn’t playing.

‘Happy birthday,’ she yelled in Clio’s ear as they wrapped around each other. ‘Look at us, eh? Two old tarts!’

She pulled back to study Clio, held her by the elbow. Golden glow, shimmer, and the hair at its curliest, huge glass of wine swilling around in her fist.

‘You look fucking great.’

‘Aww. So do you,’ Clio said, although Siobhan heard the dull clank of an automatic response.

‘Feh. I look like a middle-aged mother. You’re some sort of ageless fucking Botticelli disco ball. How the hell you can afford to look this expensive beats me.’