“Okay,” Sara murmurs, pulling her monitor a little closer so we can both peer at the fuzzy ocean of black and white pixels. “There’s the amniotic sac.” She traces a finger over the outline. “And… there’s your baby.”

I could do this exact routine a million times in a row and it would never get old. There’s a baby in there. A life inside of me. A being that will love and learn and grow and hope, and all I want to do is give that little boy or girl the most beautiful world to live in.

Sara turns to me, her eyes going soft at the corners. “Heartbeat’s nice and healthy. You’ve got a strong one here.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

“Million dollar question time: are you ready to know?”

I gnaw at my lower lip. “I… I don’t know. I mean, I want to know, but I also—aw, screw it. Tell me.”

She laughs. “Are you sure? No going back once the cat’s out of the bag.”

I nod, feeling the excitement build in my gut. I really need a reason to be happy about something right now. Because for everything that’s gone wrong in my life lately, this is the one thing that’s right.

“Final answer is yes. What am I having?”

Sara starts drumming her hands against the table. “You. Are. Having. A… Girl!”

I suck in a breath. A girl. Hearing her say it makes me realize that I’ve been thinking of this baby as a boy this whole time. It’s not a bad thing, not at all. It’s just like the whole world shifted an inch to the left.

“I’m going to have a daughter,” I whisper out loud. “I’m going to have a baby girl.”

Sara puts her hand on my shoulder. “Congratulations, June.”

“Thank you,” I say. “Feels strange.”

“Good strange?”

“The best strange.”

“Good. Hold on a sec—I can give you a little memento of this moment,” she says, clicking on a few buttons of her machine. “The quality won’t be amazing, but it’s something.”

The machine prints out a blurry picture of my ultrasound. She plucks it out of the tray and hands it to me. “Now, go and get some rest. A hearty meal wouldn’t hurt you, either. You need to make sure that little princess is getting everything she needs.”

I wipe the remaining ultrasound gel off my belly, wave goodbye to Sara, and step back out into the hallway. I mean to go to my bedroom, but my eyes fix on his door instead.

I want to share this news with someone.

No. Not just someone.

Him.

35

JUNE

A girl.

I’m having a girl.

Learning that I’m going to have a daughter has washed away all the anger I’ve been carrying around since yesterday’s fight. Suddenly, it all feels inconsequential.

It’s amazing what a little perspective can do.

I walk towards his door and knock twice, but I don’t bother waiting for him to answer. Inside, I find Kolya standing in front of the doors that open out into his balcony. He’s wearing dark sweatpants and nothing else. His abs peek out at me from between the mounds of bandages.