“Sara knows where to find me when she has news.” His voice is dead inside.

“Kolya—”

“I threw her past in her face, June.” He’s flush with disappointment, spilling over with hatred, a black hole of self-loathing. “I called her… I called her a…”

I sink to my knees in front of him and cup his hands in mine. “People have fights, Kolya,” I say. “Whatever you said to her, I’m sure—

“I told her I didn’t want advice from a whore.”

I flinch. “Y-you were clearly upset.”

“It should be me splayed open on that operating table. Not her.”

Just the image those words conjure has my entire body stricken with fear and dread. The idea of losing Kolya…It cuts down my emotions and leaves me raw and exposed.

I’m the one splayed open. We all are, in our own way.

“Were you at Geneva’s apartment earlier today?” I ask quietly.

He just nods.

I don’t even have the capacity to be surprised anymore. “So you heard what he said?”

“Most of it.”

“And… you didn’t bust in there?” I ask in disbelief.

“I wanted to,” he admits. “I wanted to so fucking badly.”

“So what stopped you?”

He meets my eyes. “You did.”

I recoil in surprise. “I did?”

“If I had walked in there, I would have put a bullet in the motherfucker, just like I did with my father. And then you would have had to live with that memory the rest of your life, like I do. You made me swear I wouldn’t hurt him. So I didn’t.”

I put both my hands on his knees and draw him closer. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “For putting you in that position. For holding out hope when I should have just accepted the truth of who Adrian is.”

His eyebrows come together. “You believe me now?”

I shake my head. “I always believed you, Kolya. I was confused for a while there, but deep down, I believed you. I just didn’t want to believe the worst in Adrian.”

“No,” he says soberly. “Neither did I. For a long time.” Then he winds his fingers around my wrist and pulls me up onto his lap.

I settle there, melting into his embrace, feeling calmer than I’ve felt in what seems like forever. Of course, guilt courses through on the heels of that realization. Milana is fighting for her life just a few rooms away. I shouldn’t be cuddling against Kolya and pretending life is going to be alright.

My hand curls around Kolya’s neck and I lean into his broody silence. “She’ll be okay.”

It’s a stupid thing to say. I have no idea about the extent of her injuries, but he needs comfort. He’d never admit as much in a million years, but he does.

Kolya tilts his face up to mine. “I’m not so sure.” He starts tracing circles on my exposed thigh. “He got her in the chest.”

My hands tremble a little. “She’s strong.”