Suddenly, the image of an older woman with the same mole and cut on her face flashed across his mind. A woman he’d never seen before but felt like he had known forever. His head was flooded with the memories and emotions of a previous life. Of Fayza and him, of trust and habit, years ago. Fayza had been his partner for at least one previous life, maybe more. It was destiny. He was meant to find her in the valley, like he had long, long ago.

Although he was looking at her, Aman’s vision took him far away, to another lifetime. He stood still as a statue. But he could no longer hold himself together. Although there was no one to see him, when his knees collapsed, he hid his face in his lap and sobbed inaudibly, jolt after jolt agonizing his bones.

With a heavy heart, and without a final goodbye, Aman exited the cave. His steps pounded along the tracks, down the mountain, his strides longer than usual. His heart full of bitter pain, he looked around constantly, checking, only to remind himself that she was no longer beside him.

Upon reaching the deodar trees where Fayza and he had left the Souls earlier that night, Aman found the fire long dead and scattered. The Souls were nowhere to be seen.

He was lost. Without Fayza, without anyone. All alone in the vast, snowy Himalayas, waiting for his imminent death.

30

Atman

There are many ways in which the human body deals with pain. Foremost among them is sleep—the mind’s way to allow instant detachment from the real world. This is precisely why people often faint upon hearing bad news or being wounded.

Aman had no idea when he had fallen unconscious in the snow, near the deodar trees. But when he eventually opened his eyes, he stayed still for a very long time, questioning his decision. There was still no sight of the others.

Despite his feet going numb and the threat of frostbite—more likely to occur due to a lack of food—Aman steeled himself, stood up and began searching for any sign of his friends. He braved a walk to the boulder where he had met Indra, hoping someone might be there. But there was no one. Every now and then, dark specks ran before his eyes, so he swayed and held his arms out for balance, trying his best not to trip over a rock or stumble into a tree. Suddenly, he saw a girl approaching him.

‘Oh lord!’ Idhika ran up to him. ‘Where were you . . .? You guys disappeared . . . we were worried sick!’

Aman saw that she was alone.

‘I can’t see Fayza,’ Idhika said.

Aman lowered his gaze. With a knife twisting into his heart, he explained to Idhika where he and Fayza had gone and why she was no longer with him. ‘That’s why—promise me, Idhika—when Sanaka is served justice and the danger has subsided, you will come back and find her in that labyrinth of caves on top of this mountain. You will tell her why I had to do this. Why it was for her safety. My only option . . . And don’t forget to take Madhu when you go; you’ll need it to snap her out of her long meditation and—’