In the miniscule bathroom of her tiny hotel room, Cate sits sideways on the toilet. Straight-on isn’t possible for someone her height. Even in this unlikely situation, she knows this will turn out to be one of the happiest moments of her life—when she can taste pure joy alone, at a comfortable distance from its source.

She is nudging Plan C into place. She imagines the play will be a huge success, scooping up awards, including one for her sets. She sees herself in a better outfit than anything she currently owns, maybe a black tuxedo with a white linen dress shirt with a tiny collar buttoned at the neck. Lauren and Molly will unfold themselves from their seats to embrace her; one of them—she’s not sure which—kisses her quickly but definitely on the lips. From there she sprints lightly onto the stage and grips her award and gives thanks to everyone involved. Her cell will be buzzing frenetically in her pocket. Maureen, thrilled in Chicago. (When Dana’s number comes up, she will send the call to voice mail. There’s no room for Dana in this organized, sensible fantasy.)

From there, she imagines she and Maureen live together in an apartment overlooking the lake. They get individual gigs, but also sometimes work together, as a design team. Their relationship blew past passion and went straight to sturdy. They care for and take care of each other. Cate works on bigger plays, no longer needs handouts from her parents. Thanks, I’m good, she says when they offer. She’s no longer a small charity.

Further on, Sailor lives in a house with her and Maureen. He has a white muzzle now; this gives him a debonair charm. Graham lives with a new girlfriend in the apartment he bought for Cate. The girlfriend is way too young, just out of grad school, but she is, at least, not Eleanor. He has written and produced a new play, which is about surveillance, but by now everyone is paranoid, not just nutcases, and the play is a success.

Everything is smoother in this vision. Not so cliff-hanging. The craggy cliff is far behind her; grass tickles the soles of her feet.

Back in the here and now, Maureen is waiting at O’Hare. Cate sees that if they go on together, she will always pick her up at the airport. The luxury of this is overwhelming. Maureen will sit in the cell phone lot reading a biography of Liz Taylor or Esther Williams until she gets Cate’s call, then pull up and help Cate wrestle her bag into the back seat, then kiss Cate as earnestly as she does now.

“Were they fabulous?” she asks.

marienbad