I felt it settle in as Joker did much the same as Tack when he entered, except he came around the outside of the bar, and after giving lifts and tips of his chin to the others in the room, his eyes came to me.

“Butterfly,” he muttered.

Another heart squeeze.

Nicknames, obviously, were a biker thing. Joker’s parents hadn’t named him Joker, for sure. And Shy wasn’t Shy, Tabby had told me Saturday night his real name was Parker. Same with High, Snapper, and the rest (though I didn’t know their real names, I just knew what Tab referred to as their Club names).

That said, Ride and Cut were Tyra and Tack’s kids’ names, but shortened from Rider and Cutter.

So a nickname was the thing with biker clubs.

Still, I wished butterfly had a different meaning.

As I was wishing this, Joker sauntered right past me.

And he did this to go straight to Big Petey.

And he did this so he could firmly pull Travis from Pete’s arms, lift him up so they were face to face, and ask, “How goes it, kid?”

Taking that in, I suddenly had trouble breathing.

Travis screamed with glee and latched on with both hands to Joker’s beard.

Joker pulled him forward like he was going to give him a kiss, but he didn’t. He just touched his forehead to Travis’s before he dropped him down, making Travis lose purchase on his whiskers. He then tucked Travis’s little tush in his hand, settling his back in the curve of his arm, and turned to me.

“All good?” he asked.

Although I wasn’t certain about his question, at that moment, Joker holding my son right in front of me, all was definitely good.

“Uh… yeah,” I mumbled.

Then, in order to remain sane, I tore my eyes from Joker and saw that Big Petey had his head dropped to look at his lap, but I could see the side of his face and his lips were turned up.

I cast my gaze behind the bar and saw Tyra looked like she was trying not to laugh. Her eyes were on Joker, and they were dancing.

Tack was also looking at Joker, and his lips were curved up as well, but he was also shaking his head.

I didn’t know what any of this meant, and I didn’t give it any time to figure it out.

I couldn’t.

Because I didn’t know what to do.

Or say.

What I did know was that that ache had both intensified and lessened. The contradiction couldn’t be real, but it was and I knew it because I could feel it.

“You tell her about your place?” Joker asked and I turned my eyes back at him to see he was addressing Tack and Tyra.

“Yeah,” Tack replied. “She’s movin’ in at the end of the month.”