But because I’d done a little bit of damage in the process, Kuga sent Rafael Santoro to slaughter my family. Part of me died that day, too. Not my spirit, not my drive or resolve. No, what they killed was some crucial part of the control I normally have. Last year, I would not have done what I’d just done to Die Katze. Last year, I would have found some other way. Last year, I had a different set of restraints.

Maybe last year I was more human.

I don’t know. I should probably talk to Junie about it. Or my best friend, Rudy Sanchez. Or someone.

Instead, I kept it all bottled up inside. Pushed in, stamped down. Like shoveling too much coal into a furnace.

The woman and Woodpecker were low level, and they were local criminals, not part of the Kuga empire. Die Katze was. When I’d left America to go hunting for Santoro and Kuga, I’d done it under a black flag. That was the only banner of war for the Darkness. For what I’d become.

I knew I’d just committed murder. An execution.

What would Junie say?

What would Rudy say?

What did I feel about it?

The water pounded my skin as I stood there. I could see the hazy outline of Ghost through the shower curtain. He was not troubled by moral dilemmas. He was part of my pack of killers.

I turned off the water and stepped onto the tiled floor. Not caring about leaving puddles. The mirror was fogged, and I hand-wiped it clear, then stood looking at my reflection. Midthirties, with blond hair darkened by water. Blue eyes filled with ghosts. Scars everywhere. I still had the habit of running my tongue over the bridgework from where Santoro had knocked a few teeth out. My nose was more askew than it used to be. Hard to believe I was the man in the mirror. He looked alien to me now. Like a monster wearing a skin suit and only pretending to be human.

What did I feel about myself?

What did I feel about having just executed a helpless prisoner?

What did I feel about the real possibility that even if I won this fight, I’d lose myself to the Darkness forever?

What did I feel about any of that?

I’m not sure I felt anything at all.

CHAPTER 135

THE PLAYROOM

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

NEAR VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA

It was another late call in a string of them.

Knowing that Sunday was probably going to call made Kuga start drinking early so that by the time the phone rang, the bourbon would have sanded off all the edges. Even so, that first ring hit his nervous system like a bucket of cold water.