It is with great regret that we must announce that the Committee on Academic Affairs has judged that you be required to withdraw from school for the coming year. This will, of course, mean that you will not graduate with your class. We are sorry to see this inconvenience of your skin come to pass. Unfortunately, your petition regarding your “Inability to sleep due to persistent taste of dirt,” the “dysphoria of lungs, still functioning” and “sudden, violent panic attacks due to images of Black death” are not under the college’s list of approved reasons for absence. We remind you, again, that many seniors have concerns about their futures and still managed to attend and pass all their classes.

Regarding the reapplication process we find it is often best for students to take some time to relax and reassess whether this institution is a good fit for them going forward. While it is unlikely that you have not already considered this, we feel it best to remind students who have gone astray. Though we have no official records of your slow erosion, it has been evident in your grades over the course of your time here. We hope that you know that we want you to succeed here.

Finally, we must inform you that a copy of this letter and your many failures will be sent to your parents/guardians. Given that you are a senior you will no longer be eligible for financial aid on your courses. Any attempts to petition for funding will be returned unread. We understand that your parents “have sacrificed everything for you” to be here. We understand they will likely “never retire as a result.” We truly regret that your mother’s hands will “ruin themselves with prayer and office work.” It is always hard for us to deliver this news to any family. We hope that you can take this time to have a dialogue with them about how everything was for you, how everything was for nothing.

We look forward to your potential return and wish you the best going forward.

Sincerely,

The Committee on Academic Affairs

GHAZAL FOR THE SUICIDAL THOUGHT

I ask the therapist How long do you have to think about suicide

before you can actually say for certain that the thought is suicide

and not just a desire to fly long enough to be anywhere else?

She seems stumped  asks again  Well have you thought of suicide?

Almost all my favorite songs end in the sound of a gunshot

almost all my waking thoughts are music     melody caught in suicide

But I have never thought of ending it     not that way     Only a cop

would be able to stare into my mother and say: Accident mean: Suicide

My mother asks me over the dinner table something that is not a question

my quiet is a static veil over her face      I worry: Is he going to commit suicide