Contents ( 120)
- RED POTTAGE
- * * *
- MARY CHOLMONDELEY
- *
- Contents
- *
- *
- Chapter I
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- Chapter II
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- Chapter III
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- Chapter IV
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- Chapter V
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- Chapter VI
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- Chapter VII
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- Chapter VIII
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- Chapter IX
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- Chapter X
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- Chapter XI
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- Chapter XII
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- Chapter XIII
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- Chapter XIV
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- Chapter XV
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- Chapter XVI
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- Chapter XVII
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- Chapter XVIII
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- Chapter XIX
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- Chapter XX
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- Chapter XXI
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- Chapter XXII
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- Chapter XXIII
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- Chapter XXIV
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- Chapter XXV
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- Chapter XXVI
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- Chapter XXVII
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- Chapter XXVIII
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- Chapter XXIX
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- Chapter XXX
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- Chapter XXXI
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- Chapter XXXII
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- Chapter XXXIII
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- Chapter XXXIV
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- Chapter XXXV
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- Chapter XXXVI
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- Chapter XXXVII
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- Chapter XXXVIII
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- Chapter XXXIX
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- Chapter XL
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- Chapter XLI
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- Chapter XLII
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- Chapter XLIII
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- Chapter XLIV
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- Chapter XLV
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- Chapter XLVI
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- Chapter XLVII
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- Chapter XLVIII
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- Chapter XLIX
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- Chapter L
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- Chapter LI
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- Chapter LII
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- Chapter LIII
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- Conclusion
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- Postscript
- *
- * * *
- Endnotes
- *
Presently Lady Newhaven dried her eyes and turned impulsively towards her.
The strata of impulsiveness and conventional feeling were always so mixed up after one of these emotional upheavals that it was difficult to guess which would come uppermost. Sometimes fragments of both appeared on the surface together.
"I loved you from the first moment I saw you," she said. "I don't take fancies to people, you know. I am not that kind of person. I am very difficult to please, and I never speak of what concerns myself. I am most reserved. I dare say you have noticed how reserved I am. I live in my shell. But directly I saw you I felt I could talk to you. I said to myself, 'I will make a friend of that girl.' Although I always feel a married woman is so differently placed from a girl. A girl only thinks of herself. I am not saying this the least unkindly, but, of course, it is so. Now a married woman has to consider her husband and family in all she says and does. How will it affect them? That is what I so often say to myself, and then my lips are sealed. But, of course, being unmarried, you would not understand that feeling."
Rachel did not answer. She was inured to this time-honored conversational opening.
"And the temptations of married life," continued Lady Newhaven—"a girl cannot enter into them."
"Then do not tell me about them," said Rachel, smiling, wondering if she might still escape. But Lady Newhaven had no intention of letting her go. She only wished to indicate to her her true position. And gradually, not without renewed outbursts of tears, not without traversing many layers of prepared conventional feelings, in which a few thin streaks of genuine emotion wore embedded, she told her story—the story of a young, high-minded, and neglected wife, and of a husband callous, indifferent, a scorner of religion, unsoftened even by the advent of the children—"such sweet children, such little darlings"—and the gradual estrangement. Then came the persistent siege to the lonely heart of one not pretty, perhaps, but fatally attractive to men; the lonely heart's unparalleled influence for good over the besieger.
"He would do anything," said Lady Newhaven, looking earnestly at Rachel. "My influence over him is simply boundless. If I said, as I sometimes did at balls, how sorry I was to see some plain girl standing out, he would go and dance with her. I have seen him do it."
"I suppose he did it to please you."
"That was just it, simply to please me."
Rachel was not so astonished as Lady Newhaven expected. She certainly was rather wooden, the latter reflected. The story went on. It became difficult to tell, and, according to the teller, more and more liable to misconstruction. Rachel's heart ached as bit by bit the inevitable development was finally reached in floods of tears.
"And you remember that night you were at an evening party here," sobbed Lady Newhaven, casting away all her mental notes and speaking extempore. "It is just a fortnight ago, and I have not slept since, and he was here, looking so miserable"—(Rachel started slightly)—"he sometimes did, if he thought I was hard upon him. And afterwards, when every one had gone, Edward took him to his study and told him he had found us out, and they drew lots which should kill himself within five months—and I listened at the door."