Something about her baby’s face as she dropped the knife had reminded Shobi of herself at sixteen. The first time she’d seen Omar home from college she had fallen off her horse and dislocated her shoulder. She’d known Omar her entire life. His father had managed her family estate since before Shobi was born. His family had lived in the staff quarters on the premises of her home, but that day had been a first meeting, if there had ever been one.

The strength of her agitation disoriented Shobi. It wasn’t like her to not know what she was feeling; complete clarity was her gift. It was what had gotten her where she was today. Squatting down in her sari, she dug her hand into the wet sand and scooped some up. She shaped it into a ball, but it wouldn’t hold for more than an instant, no matter how hard she tried.

A wave rolled to a stop inches from her sneaker-clad toes, then ebbed away. Why was this discomfort something she couldn’t move past? She was used to Ashna’s stubbornness when it came to blocking her out. But there was something about Ashna’s being on the show that Shobi just couldn’t wrap her head around. Or her heart.

She tossed the handful of wet sand at the ocean. The force of her swing dislodged a lock of hair from her bun. How did one soothe the discomfort of being a mother who didn’t know her daughter at all? She knew who Ashi’s friends were, what she liked to eat, things she had gleaned from conversations, found out from Mina. But had Ashi ever fallen in love? Had she ever had her heart broken?

Shobi herself didn’t remember ever not being in love, with Omar, with her sport, with her work. How had she given birth to someone who at thirty was so uninterested in love, or in anything for that matter? So insular and controlled about everything.

Because you weren’t around to teach her passion, the waves whispered to her. She threw another handful of sand at them.

Until Shobi watched her drop that knife she had wondered if Ashi preferred women. Would she have been able to come out to the Rajes if she did? Yes, she would. Ashi would be able to tell Mina and Shree anything. It was the reason Shobi had been able to leave her daughter in their care, to let her go for so long. She’d known she was in good hands.

Oh, who was she trying to fool. She had let Ashi go because she hadn’t known how to be a mother, she hadn’t known how to compromise with something she was forced into. Because losing herself entirely to motherhood was the price Bram—and the world—had demanded of her.