“I tried. I tried to be there for you. You asked me to leave.”

She had. She had told Shobi she hated her, that she wanted nothing to do with her.

I want you to leave. I don’t ever want to see you again.

What Ashna hadn’t been able to say was I killed him. I left him too, like you did, and it killed him.

Self-loathing twisted her insides.

You’re just like your mother. Selfish. The last words Baba had said to her.

“What is it you really want to ask me, Ashi?” Shobi’s voice was gentle. The kind of gentle Ashna would have killed for growing up, when all she’d gotten from Shobi was a general’s marching orders.

“Do you ever feel any guilt?”

“Yes. More than you can imagine. But for what you went through. Never for what Bram did. Why do you? He was an adult. He cheated you out of the life you should have had by not thinking about you.”

“He was ill, Mom! His mind had become entirely sick. Don’t you have any empathy?”

“Is it guilt, then? The reason you don’t let yourself live? Is it that he had no life and you deserve the same thing because you couldn’t save him?”

What was it with everyone suddenly coughing up these insights for her? “I thought you wanted to help me. When will you understand that shitting on Baba doesn’t help me?”

“Why does every conversation we have end up being about him? My leaving you was never because you weren’t precious to me. Every single time I left you it tore my heart out.”

“You still did it.”

“And that was my fault, the fault of my circumstances. Not your fault. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. The fight exhausted me, beta. There were many times when I gave you up because I didn’t want to put you through a battle you were too young to be caught in the middle of. My only hope then was that when you grew up and saw my side as an adult you’d give me a fair chance and I’d be able to explain myself. I’m sorry.”

Ashna was so tired. So sick of the apologies.

But Shobi’s words turned over inside her, filling the vacuum Rico’s words had left behind.

“Can we talk when you get home?” Shobi said, voice unrecognizably soft.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I have to go.” Ashna ended the call and picked up her pace.