But part of me is being happy that no one is seeing me because then I am not having to hide in shadow all the time and I am not having to move from hiding place to hiding place and nothing is chasing me here—not drone, not juggernaut, not police. Not Enyemaka.

So very easily I am finding where Peter is living and I am waiting for the lights in this place with homes to grow dark so that it is looking like nighttime even though we are being inside Space Colony. And I am waiting for the light that is hanging above all of the porches to be going out one by one by one until only one is left. And under that one porch light is sitting Ify and Peter.

And because no one is seeing me, I am waiting and waiting for Ify to be finished talking to him and to be standing and to be wiping dirt from her bottom and to be walking away.

Then because no one is seeing me, I am holding knife in my hand, and I am seeing Peter.

And then he is seeing me.

■  ■  ■  ■  ■

I am telling this story to you, but I am telling it to myself too. I am telling it to myself because it is important to be remembering.

You are being kind to me and you are listening. You are seeing me arrive in Centrafrique, and even though there is no peeling on my skin and you are not seeing metal inside me and I am not dizzying or sadding, you are seeing someone who is needing healing. And when I am telling you what I am, you are not turning your face at me and you are not crying. You are not looking at me like disgusting thing. You are accepting me. Sometime, I am worrying when I am telling my story that you will be thinking I am demon or that I am evil thing. That I am bad person. And you will stop listening to me.

But you are seeing me. Even though I am not being like you, you are seeing me and you are hearing me. And even though I am suffering, you are not just seeing my suffering. You are seeing me. You are seeing girl who is loving thing and who is hurting but who is remembering what it is being like when friend is spraying her with water and it is feeling like it is raining on my body, and I am hearing sound, and sound is me giggling.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS