These are not the things that dominated my internal news cycle when I woke up this morning. Besides seeing Lennix and discussing a candidate’s pro-life stance on a call before this meeting, I haven’t given kids much thought today. Life, though, in its infinite wisdom, has shoved all of this front and center.

“Mind you,” Dr. Granden says, “I’m general practice. I’m just telling you what all the signs indicate. Your test results are consistent with a woman in perimenopause, but I would like you to consult with a specialist, too.”

“A sp-sp-specialist?” I ask, suppressing a groan of frustration that my damn stutter hits me as unexpectedly as my grief does sometimes. “This is going fast. What does this all mean?”

“If a woman is in perimenopause and wants to have kids naturally,” Dr. Granden says, her voice softening into compassion, “she better move fast. You could have a year, maybe a little more if we’re aggressive about re-starting your period. It’s hard to say. There are things you can do. Hormone replacement therapy, which does have some risks, but you can talk those through with the specialist. Several of my patients have also had success with homeopathic remedies. Once we get your period back up and running, we can chart when you’re most fertile and you can—”

“But I don’t want a baby,” I blurt. “I mean, I do someday, but not now. I’m not dating anyone. I’m not involved or interested. I have a gubernatorial campaign to run.” If the candidate chooses me. “I…you’re saying I have to have a baby now?”

“I’m saying if you don’t get pregnant relatively soon, then odds are you never will.”

I’m a rug Dr. Granden’s beating, every word coming out of her mouth a whack, sending air and dust flying from me.

“I don’t know what to say,” I manage, though my tongue feels swollen in my mouth. “I’m not sure what to do. I—”

“If you want to keep even the possibility of children, of a child, then we should at least talk about trying to get your cycle back online. That’s first.”

“Uh, yeah. My cycle. Of course,” I say automatically, trusting that the words coming from my mouth are the right ones. “Do you have water? I need some water.”

Dr. Granden nods behind me. “There’s a water cooler there. I can get it if—”

“No.” I stand and turn toward the cooler. “I can.”