I close my eyes, not wanting to answer that. Not having to. My heart answers for me, pounding Ezra’s name into my chest. “Yes.”

“This happened before you and Ezra got together?”

“Yes, but what if…”

A million what ifs crowd my mind and poison my soul.

If anyone gets hurt when things go south, it’ll be you.

Mona was so right. This is about as south as things could go, and if I lose Ezra, the hurt will be unbearable.

“It sounds like you don’t want right now,” Mama says. “But you do want forever.”

“That about sums it up. If there’s any forever left when this is over.”

“When it comes to love, some messes take longer than others to clean up.” Mama’s smile is wise. “Believe me—I know.”

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Six

Ezra

It’s just a slip of paper, but my hand trembles holding it.

“God, I forgot about these,” Aiko says, popping a large pill and chasing it with water. “You’ll have to remind me to take them. Remember with Noah I couldn’t ever remember my pre-natals?”

“Yeah,” I say, my fingers, my voice numb. “That was a long time ago. They have apps now to remind you.”

She crosses around the counter to the kitchen table where I sit holding the ultrasound. On the flimsy paper, a little form floats in its own starless galaxy. At the very bottom, tracking its orbit, are the letters and numbers that sink my heart.

7w2d.

Seven weeks. Two days.

The baby’s mine. Any life that is just beginning deserves some celebration, but today, right now, it feels like my life is over.

At least my life with Kimba.

“I need to go out.” I stand to leave.

“Out?” Aiko takes another sip of water.

I don’t answer but gather my keys from the dish on the counter.

“I didn’t do this on purpose,” she says. “If that’s what you think.”

“I know that. Please don’t make this worse.”

“Worse?” She approaches me cautiously like I might run with her sudden moves. “Why worse? We’re a family. Noah will be so excited about a little brother or sister.”

“Yeah. He will.” I laugh hoarsely. “Good news for everyone, huh?”

She glances from the keys to my face. “You’re going to tell her?”

“Yeah, not that she’ll actually…”

Give me a chance. Stay.

Kimba probably won’t do either of those things and I can’t blame her. Gravel lines my throat and I can barely move. It’s the weight of anxiety, but I’m too stubborn, too determined…too damn in love with Kimba to give up yet. The odds are squarely against me, but I have to try.

“I don’t want to do this alone, Ezra.” Aiko’s brow crinkles. Tears leak from the corners of her eyes.

“You’re not alone. You have Noah and me.”