“I didn’t know quite what to make of them, since they were a new experience for me. Discounting that aberrant time in both of our lives, I’ve always been a man of large spiritual needs and small physical appetites. I don’t eat much, I’m rarely thirsty, don’t drink alcohol beyond an occasional beer. I’ve never taken drugs, never even smoked a cigarette.”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

“Not at all.” He paused. “And…also…I’ve never had much in the way of a sex drive. Something that’s apparently not genetic, judging from the way my brother chased girls in high school.”

Rina looked at him, said nothing.

“So when I got these feelings,” Bram said, “I really didn’t know what to make of them. I just…attributed them to Yitzchak…then went ahead and ignored them. They certainly didn’t get in the way of our friendship.”

“Did he…” Rina took a breath. “Did Yitzchak ever display…” She turned away. “Never mind.”

“The answer to your unasked question is an emphatic no.”

Rina covered her mouth. “Good gracious, how could I even think…” She started ripping through her grocery bags, placing items on the counter.

“Can you stop?”

“I don’t want to.”

“You’re making me nervous.”

She spun around. “What!”

“Why are you killing the messenger? I’m not even giving you bad news. There was never anything between us except fraternal love. Yitzchak was not gay. So calm down.”

She flopped into a kitchen chair. “I’m not handling this right.” She looked at him. “You know, Bram. I don’t think I ever really thanked you—”

“You thanked me.”

“No, I didn’t—”

“We’re getting sidetracked. I spent an entire night in tortured self-reflection on this. Can you please let me finish?”

“I’m sorry. Go on.”

“Mazel tov. Where was I?”

“Your vague feelings didn’t get in the way of your friendship with my late husband.”

“Right.” He continued his narrative. “It wasn’t until later…after Yitzy died…during that too brief time we saw each other…that I was able to interpret my sexual feelings for what they were.”

He sat back down at the table, avoided her eyes. “With all my heart, I believe in Jesus’ words as holy. I wouldn’t be much of a priest if I didn’t. Both of our religions forbid adultery. It is the sixth commandment of my law, the seventh of yours. The Savior, Jesus Christ…”

He hesitated.

“My savior, Jesus Christ, has also amended the commandment to condemn desire. He teaches us that lusting for another man’s wife is equivalent to adultery of the heart. And back then, as a newly graduated seminarian, His words were something I took very seriously.”

He paused to collect his thoughts.