Your psychodrama group sounds intriguing, but I think I’ll stick to conventional therapy for now. I still don’t think I feel the way I perceive other people to feel. I don’t know if the problem lies in my perception or my comfort. Either way I come out fighting, wrestling with my nature, as it were. And golly, what a mother of a nature it is. Sometimes, though, I’ll be driving, listening to loud music with the day spreading out all over, and I’ll feel something so big and great—a feeling as loud as the music. It’s as though my skin is the only thing that keeps me from going everywhere all at once. If all of this doesn’t tell you exactly what I’m doing, it should tell you how I’m feeling when I’m doing whatever it is.

Thanks again for the dolphin and your letter. I hope this finds you well and still on the right side of that hose. I have to sign off or I’ll be late for my shrink. I’m expecting a breakthrough any decade now.

Happy New Year,

Suzanne

P.S. That night in the emergency room, do you recall if I threw up something I needed? Some small but trivial thing that belonged inside? I distinctly feel as though I’m missing something.

But then, I always have.

Acknowledgments

There are no words to express adequately my gratitude to my friend and editor Paul Slansky, but if there were words, they’d have to be multisyllabic and shrieked from high atop a roller coaster in appreciation and glee.

I would like to thank the following for their support and inspiration:

Gloria Crayton, Mary Douglas French, Ilene (she knows why) Waterstone, Buck Henry, Melissa Mathison, Mike Nichols, Maxene and Ray Reynolds, Constance Freiberg, May Quigley, Richard Dreyfuss, Beverly D’Angelo, Bill Reynolds, Beatriz Foster, Amy Edmondson, Charles Wessler, Blair Sabol, Chana Ben-Dov, Arnold Klein, Cindy Lee Zucker, Al Lowman, Patricia Soliman, Richard Hamlett, Brian Frielino, John Burnham, Jim Wade, Edwin Jack, Donald Roller Wilson, Bill Wilson, and Harper, Sean, Linda, J.D., Simpson, Albert, Roger, Begley, Grip, Lennie, Arlo, Harrison, Henry, Lester, Mo, Evelyn, Maggie, Penny, Ted, Moses, Carolyn, Evi, Thom, Nikki, Shimkus, M.G., Reigo, Bleeaz, Mira, LaVallee, Henley, Erika, Renee, Hyjean, David, Howard, Tom, Lynne, Drew, Toni, Carol, Leon, Kipper, Philip, the alumni of the Century City New Beginnings Rehabilitation Program, and Joan Hackett.

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