She raised her arms. ‘It was a peck on the cheek, Chris, as we were leaving the party. There was nothing sexual in it.’

She’d chosen me, not Nikau, me. Biddy had chosen me, nobody else.

‘So, just to be clear … Your understanding is that Vernon is popping round to our house while I’m out on a Saturday evening for a quick chat before going to a party?’

‘Yes, Chris. For fuck’s sake. That’s my understanding.’

‘Right, well. You’ve still got those condoms, yeah?’

‘I’m not doing this.’ She marched off, tried to slam the door, failed, came back in. ‘You think I’m not feeling vulnerable, Chris? This isn’t easy for me. You’re in love with Biddy, and I’m stuck here every day dealing with the same old shit. Do you have any idea how much I do for this family?’

Oh, the waterworks, they were coming, she was looking at the floor. I should go to her – she was right there – hug her, hold her, but –

Yes, I …

No, I …

Fuck. I buckled.

She sighed, her hands cupping my shoulders. ‘That feels good.’

And now, even now, a boner stirring in my pants. Inhaling – it was her smell, how she felt, her gentle power.

‘In my dream last night we were dancing like this,’ she said. ‘My head on your chest.’

‘Sorry for being so volatile, Sarah.’

Fuck my boner, get out of here.

‘Someone tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to dance with them, then someone put out a hand for me. For a while, we were there, dancing next to each other, but then we separated, bit by bit, as new people came onto the dancefloor …’

Warming my hands on Sarah’s back – she was my battery, didn’t need my battering ram.

‘… but you were too far away, couldn’t hear me over the music. If I’d known, I’d have given you one last kiss, one last I love you.’

I kissed the top of her head, said, ‘I like that. Hey, I’d better get cracking.’

She leant in on her tiptoes, a kiss on the lips, her mouth not opening, turned and left the room.

Why was I such a fucking dick? The radiator was – what the fuck was it staring at? Leg up, knee bent – bang – a karate kick, the ball of my foot, the heel – bang – dented the – fuck, the panel was bent …

Move.

I stood at the living-room door, smiling. ‘You OK, kids?’

‘Dadda,’ Oliver said, ‘this is really strange. We’ve seen this cartoon before but it says it’s the first time it’s been on.’

‘Oh well,’ I said. ‘The main thing’s just to enjoy it or switch it off.’

‘Sí, señor,’ Sophie said. ‘Are you sleeping here tonight?’