She sat up quickly, ejecting me, dragged the crumpled bedsheet from under us, shuffled back into a supine position. On my knees, not upset, still erect, I swooped slowly through the darkness, searching for her thighs with my mouth, my fingers on her –

‘Oh, no, sorry, don’t touch me there.’

I gripped my hands into unseen fists, screwed my courage to the … the … Apparently, with door-to-door salesmen, the trick was to graciously accept the fact nine doors would slam in your face, knowing the tenth would most likely open, the occupant would smile at you, and you’d get your –

‘No, sorry, spunky, hang on … Can you just start fucking me again, but slowly?’

‘Yeah, of course.’

I got myself above her, she pulled my hips, I pushed them, and … oh, I was back inside, beset with missionary zeal, I could do this.

‘Yeah … Yeah, like that,’ she said. ‘Maybe just a little bit harder, not too much, though – let it build.’

‘Got it.’

‘Yeah, oh, wait …’ Her body tensed, she shifted slightly, relaxed. ‘Yeah, that’s good. Keep going like that. No … yeah …’

And so it was, eight doors had shut, nine, but I was still bounding forwards, full of pep … She wasn’t enjoying it, oh, I was useless, no, fuck my life, I couldn’t do this; I was losing energy, the will to … I slowed, stopped, heard my stupid body breathing heavily, rolled off her and onto my back.

‘What’s wrong?’ She stroked my arm.

‘Oh, nothing. Can we just have a little break?’

‘Yeah, of course.’

I turned, turned her too, spooned her the way I might have if I’d been feeling good about myself and the awful sex we’d just endured. Biddy – it was all so easy and enjoyable. I kept my breathing in check, my body language neutral. Tried to make my sigh sound like a halfyawn, backed away from her slightly so she wouldn’t feel my heartbeat punching into her spine.

Drifting.

Calm the breathing.

‘Hey,’ I whispered. ‘You use condoms when you have sex with Assi, right?’

Silence – was she asleep?

‘Yes, Chris. Of course. Why are you even asking?’

‘Biddy asked me to check.’

Silence. Drifting. Heartbeat.

‘You’re not using condoms with Biddy?’

‘Yeah, well … Not so much these days. She was tested last month, and apart from her, I’m just sleeping with you, whenever that happens, so …’

Drifting, uplifting.

‘Does Biddy want kids?’

‘Well, we’re still being careful. I’m not trying to get her pregnant.’

She’d made some overtures, a distant fanfare, nothing to worry about.

Silence, except for my heartbeat in my ears, my rapid breathing.

Drifting.

Sarah turning slightly. ‘Do you know what time Zac’s coming home?’

‘About eleven, I think.’

Drifting.

I got my arm from under her, turned, slipped my legs from the bed.

* * *