‘No worries,’ I said. ‘And you, Josh?’ He was the only one not on MDMA: it didn’t go with his meds, could trigger a heart attack, at very least vomiting.

‘Another whisky.’

I nodded, heard Biddy’s footsteps behind me. We stopped, looked at each other. The kitchen wasn’t ideal because … I nodded at the back door, led her into the backyard. No, that wouldn’t work either.

We walked round the side of the house, out onto the street. ‘You’re not cold?’

She smiled, shook her head. ‘Nah.’

‘We could maybe just walk round the block.’

‘Yeah, sure.’

It took about ten minutes to walk round the block hyper slowly with the kids, and –

Fuck, I felt nervous and –

The clip-clop of Biddy’s –

‘There’s something happening in my life,’ I said. ‘I’d love to confide in someone, in you.’ I bit my bottom lip too eagerly, winced. ‘But we don’t really know each other.’

She looked at me, clip-clop. ‘You can confide in me, Chris.’

I continued walking, head down. ‘Right, thanks. It’s just …’

She looked worried, probably thought I was dying.

‘Yeah, so … Sarah and I have opened up our marriage. Not for me, I mean, it’s for her. She’s seeing someone, a DJ called Valentino, and –’

She laughed. ‘That’s his real name?’

‘I think so, yeah. He’s Italian. And we’re going to this big party at his house tomorrow night.’

‘You haven’t met him yet?’ Clip, clop. ‘And you’re nervous?’

‘Yeah.’

We walked on, more quickly than I would have liked. Clip-clop.

‘What do Josh and Mel think?’

‘I haven’t told them yet. I want to. I will. But Sarah’s worried about how it’ll … I haven’t told anyone. You’re the first.’

Apart from Zac, which I already rued. His core competency was to be sitting next to me or on the other end of the phone when I was at my most unguarded.

Clip-clop-clip-clop. Biddy’s scent of … breast milk. I’d tasted some of Sarah’s when Oliver was a baby, a cautious sip after heating up a night bottle, just to try it, but it was surprisingly tasty and I’d ended up drinking half the bottle.

‘I’m worried I’ll embarrass her or say the wrong thing.’

We walked, I talked, she listened.

Heartbeat, it was time. ‘Anyway … So, it’s made me wonder, just hypothetically, if I was ever to have something romantic with another person, who might that be?’

‘Right.’ Clip-clop.

‘And whenever I’ve thought about that recently, the person my mind keeps going back to is … you.’

Clip … stop. She stood, stared at me. ‘Oh my god.’

Oh fuck.