My leftover stash from Sarah’s fortieth was enough for a – fuck, there wasn’t much left, now I looked at it. I sat on the bench, tried to be discreet.

Mel talked about the book she was reading, her problems with the male perspective.

‘Sounds awful,’ Biddy said.

I focused on the papers, wanting to roll the perfect joint, and I would – I’d fucking nail it.

Agnë started talking about her relationship with her husband, Sam, in the context of being parents. ‘In Lithuania, we say Dry bread at home is better than meat overseas. We’ve stopped seeing each other as people.’

‘Oh, I know exactly what you mean,’ I said. ‘I’m going through something similar with Sarah. But we’ve changed things a bit. She’s coming into herself more, and I love the effect it’s having on her and me. I feel more in love with her than ever.’

That was true. Calcified fragments of Sarah had been breaking loose within me, drifting upwards to recast her as a new, somehow holier being.

Agnë started talking again – Sam, Sam, Sam.

I licked the papers, studied the joint. Not bad. I knew Biddy had been listening to me because I’d largely been saying it for her.

I passed her the joint. She took it with her five-and-two-thirds leftie, nodded at the workmanship. It was a nod, a fucking nod. I’d fucking won.

We smoked, talked, shivered.

From Carly: thats fine chris kids in bed im watching tv

No flirting, no lingering glances – but Biddy seemed relaxed, and I wanted to be closer to her. As a friend? Yeah, why not?

* * *

At home, I texted Zac, told him he should come to ours if he was up for it, texted Biddy, said the same.

From Zac: Dude, of course!

From Biddy: Yeah, I’m out somewhere, maybe later

Maybe later. MAYBE LATER.

I zipped from room to room tidying Sophie and Oliver’s clothes and toys, trying not to think about Valentino and his impending party, wiping the toilet and sink, washing dishes. The new teapot got special attention – dried, admired, hidden. Sarah put away the rest of the dishes, mopped the kitchen and laundry, started vacuuming … hmmm, hmmm.

From the dining room, I heard someone knocking at the front door.

‘Hey, come in,’ Sarah said, her happy voice carrying through the house.

Zac, of course. ‘I thought I could help tidy up or whatever. I’ve baked some hash brownies and downloaded the music from the ballet. We could –’

‘Or you could tidy the backyard,’ I said, sneaking up behind him in the hallway.

He turned quickly, eyebrows raised. ‘Dude. Hi.’

Sarah ducked into our bedroom, continued vacuuming. Zac strolled out into the dark backyard to gather Oliver and Sophie’s toys. I ferried clothes and plates back and forth through the hallway, thought I heard someone knocking, maybe Biddy, opened the –

Nobody.