The hairdryer humming, Sarah curling, her armpits exposed, smiling, sexy as fuck. ‘Yeah, I’m not sure, Chrissy. It’s too soon.’

I nodded, shrugged, smiled, because I always did this to myself, but no more – I’d ask her nothing, would rely on whatever rotting flesh Zac threw me and leave it at that.

I moped past her to the living room, sat between the kids on the floor, rubbed their heads, leant in, kisssed the backs of their necks. ‘Love you, Sophie, love you, Oliver.’

‘Oh, did you see that?’ Oliver said, pointing at the iPad screen, talking to Sophie, not me.

* * *

The kids had asked me about sex that afternoon in the park, what the word meant. Biddy pissing in my mouth. Me fucking her hard from behind, holding her hair in a tight bunch, grunting, Cedric barking in the hallway, Noel and Winford trying to settle him. Or, with Sarah, the ever-diminishing returns of long-term addiction. Or, for Sarah, fucking all but the worst of Melbourne’s walking wounded. It meant different things to different people at different times.

I’d told them, ‘It almost always starts with kissing.’

Sophie’s smile. ‘I always kiss you and Mummy.’

‘Yeah, I know. There’s usually lots of hugging and touching and –’

‘Zac hugs us,’ Sophie said.

‘Yeah, but, the thing is, yeah, well –’

Oliver slapping my arm. ‘Can we play chasey now, Dadda? You’re It.’

I’d chased them around the park, not really wanting to, trying to make it look like I did so they’d remember me like that, a happy dad, a peace-loving paterfamilias. Yeah …

* * *

Oliver and Sophie were out cold. I sat on the bed, texted Biddy: I’m having a super early one, hope you’re having fun, love you

Three dots, pulsing. Love you too, Beauty! Having fun, yes, but missing you! I’ve been thinking about what you said to me last night at the club and, YES, I’ll come with you guys at Xmas! Can’t wait!!! Xxx

Oh dear. In a moment of unfettered optimism I’d invited her to Sarah’s great-aunt’s farm with us over the Christmas break, shouldn’t have …

I fell backwards on the mattress, my feet still planted on the floor.

My phone … Sarah and Aaron were in the CBD, near the corner of Spring Street and Collins, according to Find My Friends. The GPS tracker had been static for an hour, meaning she was either dining, dead, or in an Airbnb giving Aaron head.

Zac was out for the evening, thank fuck; Sarah was out, might fuck; Biddy had gone to a work event without inviting me, what the fuck? Not that I could have gone even if I’d wanted to, which I didn’t, but still, seriously, what the fuck?