The room was packed with women wearing everything from lacy pastel sheaths with matching coats to skintight bandage dresses to more subdued silk pantsuits with simple jewelry; growing up, I had loved to watch my always perfectly dressed mom sizing up our more flashy relatives, studying their plunging necklines (revealing tattoos of butterflies or roses) and wobbly spike heels while murmuring, “I wish someone could explain that.”

The men mostly wore dark business suits or pressed jeans, blazers and open-neck shirts, and the squirming children and ostentatiously bored teenagers had on whatever compromises their parents had agreed to: “I don’t care, I’m sick of arguing about it, wear whatever you like, I’ll just tell everyone you’re a heroin addict.”

While I’d offered my services, Abby hadn’t asked me to oversee her wedding: “Because I don’t want you to have to work and worry about everything. I want you there as my guest and as my brother and to deliver your sacred cosmic gay blessing.” I’d been grateful for this gesture, but now I had a whole new level of anxiety to deal with.

An usher escorted Edgar and me to a pew in the front row on the bride’s side, putting us on full display. During the few times I’d brought Callum to family gatherings he’d caused a minor stir, since he was so good-looking in such an obviously gentile manner, and because certain family members recognized him from his commercials and would shout “SUBARU!” or “LYRICA!” as if these words were his first name.

But this was different. This was a whole other category of mob rule. As we passed each pew, one person would spot Edgar and execute a double take, as if their eyeballs were on springs. This person would violently nudge whoever was sitting next to them, unleashing a viral nudge moving from aunt to cousin to nephew, accompanied by fervid whispers of, “Is that who I think it is?” “Or does it just look like him?” “No, it’s really him!” “What’s he doing here?” “Why is he with Carter?” “Take a picture! Take a picture!” and inevitably, “Is he Jewish?”