Cover

PRAISE FOR THE NOVELS OF PAUL RUDNICK

“With writing that’s hilarious, profane and profound (often within a single sentence), Rudnick casts a knowing eye on our obsession with fame, brand names and royalty to create a feel-good story about getting what you want without letting beauty blind you to what’s real.”

—Publishers Weekly

“A wicked good time, with moments both outlandish and touching. And as a summer beach read? Well, it’s perfect.”

—The New York Times on Gorgeous

“Caution: do not read in public. Will cause you to laugh (and possibly cry) out loud, sometimes at the same time. Screamingly funny and yet warmly touching. Buy multiple copies. You’ll want to share this one with friends.”

—Meg Cabot, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Princess Diaries

“A culture clash on steroids. Rudnick’s affection for his flawed characters lends emotional depth to his skillful satire. Hilarious, irresistible and oh so timely.”

—Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Totally irreverent and wonderfully refreshing.”

—RT Book Reviews

“Flat-out hilarious, sort of what I imagine P. G. Wodehouse would’ve written after spending some time in Bloomingdale’s. For sheer enjoyment, this book is a bargain.”

—The Boston Globe

“Paul Rudnick’s generous, open heart, scathing wit and encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture and droll humor is in full force with his latest creation. I absolutely adored this book and snort-laughed through the entire thing. You will too.”

—Melissa de la Cruz, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Never After: The Thirteenth Fairy

“Gleefully wacky and irreverent . . . readers are treated to Rudnick’s considerable gifts as a satirist as he uproariously eviscerates our celebrity-mad, class-conscious, appearance-obsessed, reality-TV-vapid culture with puckish delight—a wicked good time.”

—Libba Bray, The New York Times Book Review

“I wish Paul Rudnick was the President, the Pope and the Surgeon General. What a gorgeous place the world would be!”

—Jane Hamilton, bestselling author of The Excellent Lombards

Dedication

For John Raftis

CHAPTER 1

It’s still weird, waking up alone. I was with Callum for almost three years and he moved out six months ago, but this morning when I opened my eyes, for a second I thought he was just out of town on an acting job and maybe I’d have a text waiting.