When the small vampire and zombie go down to Vairi Grant’s cottage they hear her tiny dogs start yowling like monkeys. Gingerly, Lauren tries to open the door of the white plastic porch just as Billy’s mum and baby brother amble up behind them. The door is unlocked as usual. From inside the house, they hear Vairi Grant shouting a hoarse ‘Wheesht!’ at the yapping. That auld wifey, Lauren’s dad sometimes calls her. A little taller than Lauren, she has a powerful voice and a fragile gait. They find her balancing on a kickstool, rummaging through a dark top cupboard in her foosty kitchen. The main light has blown, and the room is illuminated by a lamp on the table.

‘You all right there, Vairi?’ asks Kirsty. She looks at the children with raised eyebrows and sets Lewis down in the hallway. He stomps his small foot forward at the dogs, who begin barking again. Vairi doesn’t reply. She fishes a clear, open bag of monkey nuts from the cupboard and places it on the table. It looks identical to last year’s.

‘And how’s this little laddie? So much bigger every day!’ Vairi grins toothily down at Lewis, who toddles behind his mother’s legs. ‘Have you no got a party piece?’ she asks.

‘He’s a wee bit young yet,’ Kirsty replies.

When Lauren sings ‘Bat Out Of Hell’, Vairi frowns at Kirsty and then at Lauren, with wrinkled eyes like a chicken. Lauren looks at the woman’s veiny hands, free of rings. On the window ledge she sees a pair of binoculars and a spider plant.

‘Oh, I don’t think I know that one,’ Vairi says, wiping the olive-green countertop. One dog barks and stands on its hind legs. Vairi hums tunelessly. ‘How’s your dad keeping?’ Before Lauren can reply, Vairi turns to Kirsty. ‘I never see them on a Sunday.’ The other dog yaps, as if in agreement. Kirsty’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes.

When they are back outside Billy asks his mother, ‘Why is Vairi weird?’

‘She’s just an old lady – she’s getting on a bit. Sometimes people go a bit doolally, you know. And let’s be honest, she likes to talk, like everyone else round here.’

Billy has stopped listening and runs across the empty road but Lauren makes sure she overtakes him. He throws monkey nuts at her caped back. She picks up the nuts from the cold ground and hurls them over her shoulder as she runs. Kirsty, now some way behind, tells them to stop. ‘He’s just a zombie!’ Lauren says.

‘She’s my arch-nemesis,’ Billy replies.