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Chapters (32)
  1. COVER
  2. CONTENTS
  3. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  4. DEDICATION
  5. EPIGRAPH
  6. 1
  7. 2
  8. 3
  9. 4
  10. 5
  11. 6
  12. 7
  13. 8
  14. 9
  15. 10
  16. 11
  17. 12
  18. 13
  19. 14
  20. 15
  21. 16
  22. 17
  23. 18
  24. 19
  25. 20
  26. 21
  27. 22
  28. 23
  29. 24
  30. 25
  31. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  32. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

Kirsty is bundled in her bumblebee ski jacket. Her eyes are watery and pale and her breath comes out in clouds as she speaks. ‘Niall. The hell. Lauren had to come to ours last night. And she got lost. It’s been terrible. Now she’s at Vairi’s. Come inside, come on.’ She guides him into his house and piles a heavy tartan blanket over his shoulders. Niall coughs violently, doubling over on the sofa by the dinner table when he thinks he might be sick. He gets up and begins to stoke the boiler.

Kirsty keeps talking breathlessly through the kitchen hatch. ‘Lauren didn’t know what was going on and she went looking for you. Something awful’s happened.’

‘What?’ Niall coughs again. ‘Fuck. Is Lauren OK? I’m a piece of shit.’

‘Look. She’s at Vairi’s. I went to check on her, but Vairi says she’s sleeping. Sit down and I’ll get some food ready. Diane found her in the goddamn woods up there. She’s fine. I’m sure she’s fine. Have you got any Lemsip?’

‘No.’ He feels relief knowing Lauren is safe and wishes he weren’t in such a state. Guilt crashes down around him.

‘Tea, then. Paracetamol.’ She calls through and he hears her open the cupboard. ‘Porridge. Whatever.’ There is the sound of running water, a pan clanking.

When it’s ready, she scoops the steaming porridge into two bowls and joins Niall at the dinner table in the living room. After a couple of mouthfuls, she looks him straight in the eyes and says, ‘The thing is, we can’t find Ann-Marie.’

‘How d’you mean?’ His mouth feels dry.

‘I mean, we can’t find her. She’s done a runner. She’s not at home.’

‘Fuck me.’ He pushes the bowl aside and sinks his head into the crook of his elbow. ‘Fuck me.’

‘What?’

‘Have you tried calling her?’ Niall replies. This doesn’t feel real.

‘Not me personally. Has anyone tried calling you?’

He takes out his phone. ‘Missed calls from Lauren. Fuck.’

‘Never mind, she’s fine now. Safe in her bed. The state of you, Niall. What the hell happened?’

He pushes the remaining porridge into a clump. ‘I fell asleep in the car.’

‘How’d that happen?’ He can’t tell if she looks worried or suspicious.

‘Tired. Drank too much, if I’m honest.’ He tries to change the subject, but flounders. ‘So Lauren’s with Vairi then. What the hell happened?’ He feels as though Kirsty isn’t telling him something.

‘It’s a long story,’ Kirsty says and looks over at Jameson whining. ‘If he’s not been fed, then I’ll feed him.’ She doesn’t wait for a reply and gets up to find the dog food, looking around the darkened room as she goes back to the kitchen.