“I think I should just bring her home,” I said, the words coming out of nowhere. As soon as I finished speaking, though, I realized how right the idea seemed. Sarai’s aunt and uncle were leaving in two days, and then it would just be us again, living like a couple of roommates with nothing to say to each other.

I needed to find a way to change things, a way to shock her into living again. And if I was being honest, I needed my family.

“You want to bring her here?” my mom asked.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Can we stay with you?”

“Of course,” she said. “But before you make any plans, I think you should discuss it with Sarai, son. She might be having a hard time, but that doesn’t give you the right to make decisions for her or look through her computer.”

“I hear you,” I mumbled.

“How are you doing, baby?” she asked. “Feeling free as a bird?”

“Kind of bored, actually,” I replied, making her laugh. “I’ll be happy to find another job.”

“And how are you doing with everything else?”

“I’m…” I paused, trying to find the right words. “I’m okay.”

“You’re always okay,” she replied. “But how are you really?”

“Mom, really.” I scratched at my jaw. “I’m doing okay. Worried about Sarai, but fine otherwise.”

“You can talk to me, you know,” she said gently.

“I know that.”

“Or your brother. You know you can talk to him.”

“I know.”

“Or your dad,” she said hopefully.

“Mom,” I replied. “Stop—I get it.”

“Well, I’m just saying,” she muttered in exasperation.

“I know what you’re saying. Thank you, but I’m fine.”

We talked for a few more minutes, and I promised her that I’d let her know what we decided to do after I’d talked to Sarai. She was worried, for Sarai and for me. I knew she hated being so far away and was really excited for us to move closer, but she was doubtful that Sarai would agree to the move when she still had months of school left. She hadn’t seen my wife lately, though. She had no idea how little Sarai cared about anything.

I dropped my head against the back of the couch and sighed. I’d lied to my mom. Of course I wasn’t fine. How could anyone be fine after what we’d gone through? I was fucking devastated. I replayed the scene of the crash over and over, trying to figure out if I could’ve done something differently. If I’d volunteered to drive Hailey’s car, then Sarai would’ve been safe in my truck. If I’d backed into the road first, maybe I could’ve blocked Sean from hitting them.