“Please don’t blame him,” I plead. “It’s as much my fault. I told him to go.”

“Yes, but he would have known you were just trying to spare his feelings,” Dad says. “He didn’t have to walk away. That was his choice.”

“Put yourself in his shoes,” I tell them. “He watched his mother die, his own mother. He was still a kid, barely a teenager. Imagine how hard that must have been. And then for him to find me, and develop feelings for me, only to have to watch as I leave him in the same way?”

Dad’s expression softens. “Doesn’t seem fair, does it.”

“No. It doesn’t. It’s not.”

“I guess I can understand why he’s scared,” Dad admits. “But I’m still angry with him. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“Oh, Ava,” Mum sighs. “What a mess, eh? Have you called him?”

“So many times. He’s not answering. I think he’s gone overseas.” I don’t tell them about the job offer, because I promised him it would stay between us.

“Goodbyes are never painless,” Kate says softly. “Even when they’re necessary.”

“I just didn’t think it’d be the last time I saw him,” I say through tears. “And I can’t bear the thought that it was.”

“As hard as it is to hear,” Amanda says cautiously, “maybe you were right. Maybe it is better this way. Now he’ll always remember you at your best.”

“Maybe.”

I close my eyes and lift my face to the sky, letting the warmth of the sun dry the tears on my cheeks. Strangely, it does feel cathartic to talk about it. I should have known they wouldn’t just leave me to wallow in self-pity.

“You have us,” Mum says. “Always. No matter what’s coming. We’re here till the end.”

“I love you guys.”

“We love you too.”

I sniff loudly and smile bravely. “Now, did someone say something about cheese?”

Later, when they have deposited me safely back into my room and departed for the night, I sleep easier for the first time since James left. I haven’t stopped missing him, and I never will, but I have been reminded that there are others who love me just as much, and I owe it to them to give this last bit of life everything I have. I can either dwell on the unfairness and the uncertainty, or I can focus on what I have, and all that is still good in my life. I have to hold on to the belief that I made the right choice, that James is out there right now, doing what he loves, making the most of his moments.

Chapter Forty-Two

Wake up, wake up, it’s your wedding day,” Amanda squeals, throwing herself onto my bed.

“Go away.” I kick out at her. “That’s an awful thing to joke about.”

“I’m not joking.”

I lift my head off the hospital pillow and peer at her. “What?”

“Surprise!” Kate beams, waving her hands around madly.

“We’re breaking you out of here.”