“Surprise,” Dad says, scrambling up to kiss me on the cheek when he sees me. “We thought you might like a picnic.”

“Thanks. It’s a nice thought, but I’m not really hungry.”

“Suit yourself,” Amanda says. “More food for us.”

There is an edge to her voice, though, that belies any joviality her words suggest. I see Kate give her a sharp look.

“Come on, Ava,” she says cajolingly. “Surely you can manage a sandwich? We bought your favorite cheese.…”

“You guys can have it.”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Mum snaps, causing us all to look at her in surprise. “Right. It’s time for some tough love.”

“Do you really think that’s the right appro—” Dad gingerly asks but is cut off.

Mum tips up the back of the wheelchair, causing me to plant my feet on the ground to prevent myself from falling.

“Hey,” I protest.

“Hey nothing. You’re quite capable of standing, sitting, and walking by yourself still, Ava. And I won’t stand by and just watch you give up. Not while you still have strength in you.”

“I haven’t given up.”

“Really? Because that’s how it seems to us. We’ve watched you retreat further and further into yourself this week, not eating, barely talking. It’s like you’re pulling away from us, the people that love you.”

“You heard what the doctor said, Mum. It’s in my brain. How long until I don’t even recognize you anymore?”

“You can’t think like that.”

“Of course I can,” I yell loudly, not caring who might hear. I haven’t given voice to the fear I’ve been feeling since my admission, but it’s unleashed now, and I let rip. “How can I not think like that? How can I not imagine the worst?”

“I don’t know,” she yells back, and I realize she is worrying about the exact same things. “I don’t know.” She looks at me so helplessly I lose any aggression I feel.

“I just hate the not knowing,” I say, quieter now, panting. “I have no idea what to expect and I’m so scared. And no offense to you all, because you know how much I love you, but the one person I really need here to reassure me is gone. And I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.”

“Talk to us,” Kate urges, pulling me into her arms. “That’s what we’re here for. Where is James?”

So I tell them. How I told him to go for his own good, that I thought I was doing the noble thing. How he didn’t fight me on it. That he was just as confused and scared as I was, and I couldn’t fault him for that.

As I finish explaining I see Dad shaking his head, his mouth set in a tight line. “That coward,” he says.

“He’s not a coward, Dad.”

“He is. He’s abandoned you, right when you need him the most.”

I look at Mum. She looks sad. “I was hoping he’d be stronger than this,” she says. “For your sake.”