I hear him swallow. “I know.”

“You have to be absolutely certain about this. You’re going to see things you won’t want to see, and I’m worried that it’s going to bring back a lot of painful memories for you.”

He tightens his grip around me. “I’m scared. I’m not going to lie. But I’m not going to let my fear stop me from being with you. I meant everything that I said that day in the car.”

I exhale, relieved. “OK. Then we’re really doing this.”

He kisses the top of my head in response.

This moving in together, it’s happening so quickly, no doubt about it. In a different time and under normal circumstances, if a guy suggested moving in together so soon after we’d started seeing each other I’d have run for the hills, probably. But these aren’t normal circumstances; far from it. And this feels right.

“There is probably one thing you should know first, though, before you make your final decision,” I say solemnly.

“Oh? What’s that?”

“I have to sleep on the left side of the bed. And I’ve been known to hog the sheets.”

He laughs. “I think I can live with that. I snore, by the way.”

I suck air between my teeth, shaking my head. “I suppose I can live with that. You know with three girls in the house, you’ll need to make sure you always put the toilet seat down.”

“Duly noted. Oh, and I hope you don’t mind, but I have a pet lizard. Well, he’s a Komodo dragon, actually. Likes to sit by the bed at night and watch me sleep. Name’s Rocky. Don’t worry, he’s quite harmless. I mean, he’s bitten me once but it only needed three stiches. And it was my fault. I forgot to feed him that night.”

I pull away to stare at him wide-eyed. “Are you serious?”

He keeps a straight face for about two seconds, then bursts into laughter. “No. I’m kidding. You should see your face. I wish I had my camera.”

I smack him lightly on his bicep. “Oh my God, you had me so worried then.”

“Sorry.”

He pulls me back in for a kiss, which deepens into something more desperate until I remember where we are and pull away, my breathing shaky. “I just want to get out of here now.”

“Have they said how long?”

“Not to me. But I’ve been pretty out of it.”

“Want me to see if I can rustle up a doctor? Find out what’s going on?”

“Yes, please.”

He gets up, but before he can take a step I grab at his jersey and he turns, his face questioning.

I take a deep breath, summoning up all the courage I have to say what I need to say. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, but he has been honest with me, and now it’s my turn to be honest with him. “When we were in the car, and you told me you care about me, I didn’t say it back, but I want you to know that I do. So much that it takes my breath away sometimes. And I know that the timing couldn’t have been any worse, or the circumstances any lousier, because I don’t know how much longer I’ll be around and I can’t promise you the future you deserve.” My eyes spill over with tears and he opens his mouth to speak, but I hold up a hand to stop him. “Wait. I have to finish this. I can’t promise you that I’ll be an amazing kind of girlfriend, because I most probably won’t. It’s only going to get worse and I’m only going to get sicker. And I mean really sick. It won’t be glamorous and you’ll most likely be revolted at some point or other. And if you want to call it a day at any point, I’ll understand. I really will. And I won’t hold it against you. You can get out anytime you like, OK? I need you to know that.”