I resisted the urge to let her belongings stall my life. I boxed up her things and piled them in the shed. I had the uneasy feeling she would come home while I was at work, come home in love with me, and, finding no trace of herself, leave again brokenhearted. The thought anguished me because even though I missed her, I told myself I did not want her back. I had grown tired of it all. I was that guilty. I had fallen in love with another woman. I had fallen in love with Louise, and even though I denied any interest in her, I must have said her name two or three times a day to my wife, bringing Louise up casually so as not to imply interest. Louise was only another aspect of my job, something I could talk about when I came home from work. I told myself I was only relating my day, but more and more my day was stories of sightings or nonsightings of Louise. I was stupid enough to think I could get away with it. I realized I was arrogant enough to think Aida would come home to me at all. I had treated her without regard. I had detached myself from the small details of her life and had revealed to her only the passion I held for the comings and goings of a woman who was a stranger to her and in many ways a stranger to me as well.

I swiped my arms into a fresh uniform, ran a comb through my hair and brushed my teeth until my gums bled. I wanted just to take care of the things I could change. I wanted to return to work. I felt grateful for the job I held. I radioed dispatch, relieved when Adeline Top Crow answered me without passion. I heard the steady business of her voice as if nothing had changed. “Write up a standing floater on Yellow Knife,” I told her. “I’ll be in later to have the chief approve.” I heard a bleat of static and then Adeline gave me the sinking information. Drowning outside of Perma between Milepost 108 and 109. I had to stop by the station and retrieve the dragline and hook. The body had been located, she said, so I wouldn’t need the search boat. I didn’t ask who we were talking about. I didn’t want to know the details. I’d know soon enough. I had to put off the order to chase Baptiste off the reservation for now. I didn’t want to think about that either.