Chapters (32)
Dear Locker 89,
My girlfriend dumped me. I don’t know what to do. It was a week ago, and it felt out of nowhere. We were fighting a little, but nothing huge, just little arguments we solved after a few hours. She says she’s not ready for a relationship, but she’s also been really obviously flirting with one of the girls in our Spanish class, and I don’t know if it’s to make me jealous or if maybe she wants to be with her. I haven’t stopped crying. I’m constantly going to the bathroom because I know I can’t get through the next five minutes without bawling. I feel like I’m dying. All I want is for her to love me again. We were supposed to be forever. We were going to room together at college. This can’t be happening. What do I do?
Locker 89 <[email protected]> 6:35 p.m. (0 min ago)
to Junk
Dear Junk Mailll,
I’m so sorry this has happened. Breakups suck, there’s no way around it. There’s a biological reason for it! When we go through a breakup, our brains have some of the same activity as someone going through drug withdrawal. Almost like you were addicted to this person, and now you’re having to detox. So, for a start, be kind to yourself. And second, I can’t promise your girlfriend will want you back. But I can absolutely give you some advice that’s foolproof.
A) Stop reaching out for a while. You don’t have to totally ignore her, but for at least a few weeks, don’t start conversations. If she speaks to you, be polite and friendly, but don’t engage. And do *not* spam her phone apologizing or saying you miss her! My reasoning for this is twofold: one, it gives her a chance to miss you, and process the reasons she broke up with you, and remember some of the good times. The second reason is it gives you a chance to detox, and remind yourself who you are without her. You are a whole person with or without a partner, and it’s time to reintroduce you to yourself. You presumably had a full life before you met her, and you still will now you’re not with her anymore.
B) Focus on yourself. Take up a hobby, spend time with your friends and family, read some books, go for long walks. Whatever makes you feel good. Not only will this help you to find yourself again, and make you happier and more confident, but your ex will probably notice how well you’re doing!
So why do I say it’s foolproof? Because this method can only go one of two ways. Option one, your ex misses you, and sees you doing well, and remembers the reason she fell for you to begin with, and is open to trying again. Option two, that doesn’t happen, but you’ve given yourself so much space to work on your own happiness and abilities, that you honestly move on from your ex and find yourself happier and more successful than ever. Either way, you win.
Good luck!
Locker 89