I remembered the feeling that’d come over me all too well. Like someone had just run a bulldozer into a room filled with puppies and kittens right in front of me. Shock, and panic, and a rising nausea that threatened to force itself right out of my throat. And my heart tried to escape through my chest, screaming bloody murder. Because right around the time all this happened, I’d started wondering if maybe there was something going on with Brooke and me. There’d been a lot of meaningful glances, and loaded pauses, and casual finger brushing while we walked. And eye contact that went on, in my opinion, for way too long.

But I was sure as hell I hadn’t kissed Brooke without realizing it. So who the hell had?

I’d given Brooke a call, as casual as I could. Led the conversation toward the Q&Q Club fundraiser we’d put together earlier that week. The one Brooke had gone in with Jaz to prepare for. And she confirmed everything I already knew was true. Yes, she’d had a crush on Jaz for a while. Yes, they’d kissed. Yes, Brooke wanted it to go somewhere.

No, no, no. But then, why the lingering looks with me? The flirting with me? Had I misread the situation? Or could she like both of us, but Jaz was the one who’d made the first move? And then, filled with grief and jealousy and fear and panic, I did a thing I wasn’t proud of. I sent Brooke a response from the locker.

Dear BAMN765,

The best thing to do in this situation is act like it didn’t happen. Don’t bring it up, don’t flirt, and especially don’t let yourself get in a one-on-one position with this girl for a while. I know it sounds counterintuitive, but if you end up one-on-one, things can get awkward, and nervousness makes us act flustered and weird. She might pick up on your vibes and feel like there’s an expectation—or, worse, desperation—there that would be majorly off-putting. Nothing kills a budding relationship faster than someone feeling pressured to keep things going too fast.

Don’t worry about putting her off: if she likes you, she’ll find a way to contact you and let you know her feelings. Just make sure she’s the one doing the pursuing. Be cool, be casual, act platonic.

Brooke didn’t bring up the letter to me. She didn’t bring up Jaz again, either. I didn’t hear another word of it until a week later, when another letter ended up in the locker.