He passed me another grape. I snatched it from him with a huff, a little more harshly than I meant to, and crushed it between my teeth. “Gladly. So, let’s start with the most important thing. Who broke up with who?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Brougham asked. “I’m the one trying to get her back.”

“You’d be surprised.”

He looked unconvinced, but played along. “She broke up with me.”

“What happened?”

Brougham squinted his eyes like he was recalling a far-gone memory. “Something about me being too handsome and talented.”

“Gee, that’s so believable, tell me more.”

“Why does it matter, anyway?”

“Why does the reason for the breakup matter?” I asked in disbelief. “Did you really just ask me that?”

“I mean, not every letter includes everything, every little detail, right? You still manage to get a lot correct, though, yeah?”

“Almost always.”

“See? So, you must not need everything.”

I hesitated, picking my words. “Usually I can tell what the theme of the issue is. People generally have a good sense of the problem, they just don’t necessarily know what caused it, or how to fix it. Then I match the problem to a theory, and give advice based on the one that fits best.”

“Theories?”

“Relationship theories. Like attachment style, how to deal with commitment phobia, the no-contact rule, men are from Mars, how oxytocin is triggered at different times in different people…”

A blank stare. “You’ve always known all this stuff?”

I couldn’t help but sit up a little straighter. “I’ve built my knowledge base. But I’ve always been interested in it. Since middle school, at least.”

“Where did it start?”

I had to think for a minute to pinpoint the original theory I’d stumbled on, the one that’d kicked off my whole fascination. “Do you know the book He’s Just Not That Into You?”

“With Scarlett Johansson? Sure, but I don’t know what it’s about.”

“That’s the movie, not the book, but anyway,” I muttered under my breath. “The general idea behind it is if a guy doesn’t reach out to you or make an effort, he doesn’t have feelings for you.”

“Groundbreaking.”

“Well, for a lot of people, yeah, it was. I read it years ago and I loved it, and I started reading as many relationship self-help things as I could. Then I found YouTube, and podcasts, and it kind of went from there.”

“But what about the locker?”