“Okay, you’re joking, but literally. I could never just up and introduce myself to a beautiful girl. I’d die first.”

“See, that’s exactly how I feel with men.”

Her smile fades at the end of her sentence, and her brow knits as she looks at something above my head. I follow her gaze to the TV mounted on the wall behind me, above a pastel arch of crepe paper flowers.

The headline along the bottom reads: Brother of Princess Samantha of Chalonne, Jordy Miller, Reads to Orphans; Provides Candy and Hope. On the screen is Jordy Miller himself in front of an orphanage in Chalonne, receiving an enormous thank-you card from one of said orphans, his hand plastered over his chest like his heart’s about to burst.

That goddamn motherfucker.

Some of the others look over as well, including Rosie and Andre. Andre is the first to react to our staring, happily swirling his martini. “I was friends with him when he lived here, you know,” he says. His tone is more than a bit braggy. “I was one of his best friends.”

“Really?” I ask, confused. “Did we ever meet?”

Like I said, I am sure I’ve never seen his face before, so I’m actually taken aback to hear this.

Now it’s his turn to look puzzled. “Why would we have?”

“Um.” Rosie laughs. “Because Maya dated him for, like, a year?”

Andre scans my face, like he’s trying to place me. I’m pretty confident I know what’s coming next.

Three, two …

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You’re not the one who went all crazy when he moved, are you?”

One.

A few girls at the table boo him.

“Please, do not,” Rosie says in a warning tone.

“We let you sit with us,” Olivia adds with a glower.

Andre looks between us all in confusion. “Okay, okay. Sounds like there’s more to the story?”

I stare into my drink, counting the ice cubes and really fucking wishing all of a sudden I hadn’t offered to wing-woman.

“He’s a cheating asshole,” Olivia says. “And if you call Maya crazy again, that martini’s ending up on your head and you won’t have time to stop me.”

“Jordy?” Andre asks skeptically, holding his hands up. “Like, our Jordy Miller? Reads to children, gives to charity, invented feminism Jordy?”

Lots of ice cubes in this glass.

Olivia doesn’t back down. “He was Maya’s boyfriend, he moved to Canada, cheated on Maya for two months, then when Maya found out he broke up with her. Not sure what part of that is feminist. Or maybe you need to read up on the definition.”

“No, that’s fair. I mean, the story I heard was a little different. But I hear you. Sometimes this stuff gets twisted.”