By the time Ainsley wandered back in so she could procrastinate from her own responsibilities, I’d finished pile one—the only pile today—and moved on to YouTube research. Over the last couple of years, I’d cultivated a subscription list of who I considered to be the very best relationship experts on YouTube, and I made a point of never missing their videos. It was a Tuesday, so that meant a new upload from Coach Pris Plumber. Today’s video was a review of the latest research behind the biology of the brain in love, which interested me far more than my actual biology homework. Coach Pris was one of my very favorites, second only to Oriella.

God, how to describe the enigma that was Oriella? A twentysomething influencer who practically founded the corner of YouTube devoted to dating advice, she uploaded a video every other day. Could you imagine coming up with that many topics to cover? Unbelievable. And no matter how many she released, how many times you thought she’d surely talked about everything there was to talk about, boom: she blew your mind with a video about how to use artful shots of food in your Instagram stories to make your ex miss you. The woman was a goddamn genius.

She’d also pioneered one of my favorite relationship-advice tools, not-so-creatively called “character analysis.” Oriella figured every problem could be labeled, and that to find the correct label, you had to run a diagnostic. Under her prerecorded instruction, I’d learned to list everything relevant about the person in question—in my case, always a complicated locker-letter writer—and once it was all written out, things would almost always become clearer.

Ainsley came up behind me and watched the video silently for three or so seconds, then she moved to my bed and sat heavily on the edge. My cue to stop what I was doing and pay attention to her.

I looked over to see her sprawled in a starfish pose on my bed, her straight brown hair fanned out over the blanket. “Any good ones today?” she asked when I caught her eye.

“Pretty standard,” I said as I paused Pris. “What is it with guys calling their girlfriends psycho? It’s an epidemic.”

“If there’s one thing guys love, it’s an excuse to avoid accountability for their own role in causing the behavior they don’t like,” Ainsley said. “You’re fighting the good fight.”

“Someone’s got to, I guess.”

“Pays the bills. By the way, Brooke’s just pulled up outside.”

I slammed my laptop lid down and jumped to my feet to douse myself in perfume. Ainsley shook her head. “I’ve never seen you move so fast.”

“Shut up.”

We reached the living room as Mom opened the front door and greeted Brooke, which meant I had at least fifteen seconds to prepare while they embraced and Mom asked after every family member Brooke had.