“Just annoyed my cousin’s being . . . weird,” I said.

He looked over at Kennedy as she attempted to climb on a floating raft and slipped back into the water. “She seems fine to me.”

“Okay,” I said, kind of wishing I was in the water, too, but then remembering that there were fish in there. I didn’t want to be touched by their slimy bodies. “So, are you having a good birthday?”

“Totally.” Izzy was paddling around in circles, making the sprinkle donut twirl. “I love it out here.” He stopped, facing me, but I could tell he was still paddling under the water.

“Your lips are blue,” I told him.

He touched his bottom lip. “Yeah, it’s cold, but it’s the best.” He swam closer so he was only a few feet from my foot. “Are you having fun?”

We stared at each other for a few seconds, and it felt like something big was passing between us. Izzy started spinning again, breaking the something, and I thought about his question.

There I was, on a pontoon boat in the middle of a postcard with Izzy in front of me doing water ballet on an oversize donut. Behind me, Jake and Seb kept rattling off a bunch of nonsensical numbers: “Fifteen, two, fifteen, four . . .” And to my left, my cousin was arguing with Axl about someone named Big Papi.

It was strange, like one of those dreams that happen just before you wake up and seem normal until you open your eyes and realize you don’t own a wombat.

Colette would have loved everything about it.

I realized I did, too.

Izzy stopped spinning and looked at me expectantly.

“So? Are you having fun?”

I thought of a dare Colette had tried to get me to do one time. I hadn’t because I’d been too afraid thanks to a million what-if questions in my head.

You’re always afraid, Mean Me chimed in. You were born that way, and you’ll always be that way.

But . . .

I don’t have to be, I thought.

One second later, I pushed off the edge of the boat, into the lake, fully clothed. When I hit the frigid water, I shrieked loudly enough to scare away a flock of birds and get the attention of everyone at the party. The life vest and the short fall kept me from going under, but water splashed into my face—shocking but refreshing.

I laughed like I hadn’t since Colette was alive.

“I can’t believe you did that!” Izzy said excitedly as I wiped the water out of my eyes. “Five stars!”

“Good form, Tess!” Kennedy called from her raft.

Girl Sam and Jasmine rehashed what’d just happened like sports announcers, and Boy Sam gave me a round of applause.

From the boat deck, Jake said, “I hope you brought more clothes,” before turning back to his cribbage.