BooksBarbecue
Back Our Fathers
Chapters (36)
  1. ALSO BYREBECCA WAIT
  2. OUR FATHERS
  3. PART 1
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. PART 2
  23. 1
  24. 2
  25. 3
  26. 4
  27. PART 3
  28. 1
  29. 2
  30. 3
  31. 4
  32. 5
  33. 6
  34. 7
  35. 8
  36. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Whatever people were thinking, Malcolm had always known it would be impossible for them to move. He thought Heather knew it too. When he had told her, “This is our home,” she hadn’t pursued the subject further.

But they should have taken Tommy and run, Malcolm thought now, sitting alone in his kitchen with his cooling chamomile tea. He had been selfish to insist they stay, even after it became clear that Tommy would never cope on the island. Malcolm had talked of the croft, and of the house, and of their roots, and Heather hadn’t argued. But those hadn’t been the real reasons, and he wondered if Heather had known this too.

She had believed it would be better for them to go somewhere new, where they wouldn’t always be known as the family of the man who murdered his wife and children. But the idea had terrified Malcolm. Away from the island, away from its tethers, he would know, he would know he was the brother of the man who killed his family, and what else was there but that once he was off the island? Here, everyone knew him well, and everyone had known him long before it happened. However much they might talk about him behind his back, however much they might have to say about the killings, he would always be Malcolm to them, and Heather would be Heather, and they worked a croft to the west of the island, and they had always belonged here. Malcolm desperately needed the islanders to give him a context beyond his brother’s crimes, because he no longer believed he could do that for himself. Off the island, he would exist only in the orbit of the murders. So this was the selfishness he had never admitted to, not even to Heather; even after it became clear Tommy could not stay here, Malcolm could never have contemplated leaving, because however afraid he had been for Tommy, he had always been more afraid for himself.

I’m sorry, he wanted to say to Tommy now. I let you down.

And in how many ways? He had failed to protect him before—and Nicky, and Beth—and he had failed to protect him afterwards. On both charges, there were arguments he could make that would sound convincing to others. He could defend himself if he cared to. But he did not care to.

14