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Back Our Fathers
Chapters (36)
  1. ALSO BYREBECCA WAIT
  2. OUR FATHERS
  3. PART 1
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. PART 2
  23. 1
  24. 2
  25. 3
  26. 4
  27. PART 3
  28. 1
  29. 2
  30. 3
  31. 4
  32. 5
  33. 6
  34. 7
  35. 8
  36. ABOUT THE AUTHOR

And it was Katrina herself he hated most of all. He had believed once that he could be happy with her, she thought. That was at the root of it. When he finally realized he could not, he quietly began to despise her. In one sense, she could hardly blame him. She had presented a hope to him, even though she had not known it, and then she had failed him, again without knowing it, just as everyone else had. There had been a few times in his life, she perceived, that had seemed to offer a glimmer of something else: something that might help him, might make him like everyone else. All had proved to be illusions, and all had to be punished for the deceit.

Outwardly he was very different, with everyone except for her. He turned a smooth, smiling face to the world, and it troubled Katrina how charming she could see other people finding him; it made her feel again as though she was going mad, as though all the coldness in him, if not imagined by her, was at least caused by her. Of course he wanted people to like him; everybody did. But it worried Katrina that he seemed to care so little for her opinion, that she was the only one allowed to see him as he truly was. Perhaps he saw nothing wrong in the way he behaved towards her, his coldness and his criticisms. He appeared to believe she deserved it. Sometimes she agreed with him.

But she would not bring her children up with this kind of rage. Not sensible Nicky and sweet, anxious Tommy. Not darling Beth, who was already starting to show a more lively personality than her brothers, and who might, if she were allowed to continue like this, grow up to be far more sociable and cheerful than the rest of them. Although her daughter was so young, it was her sons whom Katrina feared for the most. They were both sensitive, both thoughtful and so considerate of one another that Katrina sometimes felt a lump in her throat when she watched them together. They were not made for conflict, and Katrina knew instinctively that they could never be the kind of sons John wanted. As they grew older, this would become more and more apparent, and then nothing would protect them from his disappointment. Katrina knew the chilling quality of this disappointment only too well. Somehow, she thought, she would have to save them. But she knew, hopelessly, that there was no defence against John. Not so long as you were near him.

PART 3

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