“No…But I’m sure we’ll have more babies and eventually one of them will be a boy whose name will not be George…or Hank…or Conway.”

Damn, she knows me well. Shutting down all my classic favorites in one swoop!

“Oh, my goodness!” The excitement in my wife’s voice has me running clean across the house to find her latest discovery.

“What is it?” I go straight through the master bedroom to the en suite, where she’s slid down the wall, smothering on her obnoxious laughter while pointing a finger at the brass towel hooks.

Shaking my head, I go over there to check them out.

You guessed it, and if you didn’t, and haven’t yet caught on to the phallic theme of this house, there’s no help for you.

“They’re little dongs!” Leave it to my wife to state the obvious.

“I see that.” I reach to the floor to help her back to her feet.

“This place is too much,” she heaves, leaning on me for support.

“If you like that,” Wanda says, peering her head in, “get a load of the faucets.”

“We’re done here,” I say when I look over to find my wife stroking the spout built to model a curved shaft.

“Lyle!” she screeches. “The knobs are balls!”

I give my head a firm shake and look over to our realtor. “I don’t think we’re classy enough for this joint.”

“Understood.” She snorts. “Let’s head out. I have one more on the list to show you two today, and I have a feeling you’re going to love it.”

I’m feeling a little discouraged on the drive to our third and final home of the day. If we don’t find something we like that’s already on the market, we’ll have to build, and that will take time we don’t have. I want more than anything for us to be settled in our new home before the baby comes. But so far, our options just aren’t cutting it.

“This is nice.” My wife is clearly trying to cheer me up in complimenting the wrought iron gate. “Look at the little rose accents.”

“This is the one.” I dig deep for the excitement I started the day with that’s been quickly waning. “I can feel it in my bones.”

“Relax,” she says, patting my thigh. “We don’t have to find a place today.”

I nod, knowing she’s right but also eager to be settled.

Sammi gasps so loudly when the house comes into view, I nearly veer off the road. “Holy shit!”

Li’l Bit gapes out the front dash. “It’s like Prince Eric’s castle.”

“Say what?”

“The Little Mermaid?” She eyes me briefly with disgust before turning back to admire the house.