“I brought you into this and I wanted to fix it before I told you. I have a meeting with the producers; I will take care of it.”

“Why do you need to fix it, Theo? You didn’t make Chase act like an asshole. You didn’t force that person to take the video and leak it. Do you really think it’s on you to control every fucking thing that happens around you?” I was screaming and I couldn’t stop. The more I talked the angrier I got. “You lied to me,” I said, jabbing an accusing finger in his direction. “You kept me in the dark for two days and pretended everything was fine.”

“I didn’t want to worry you.” I almost stumbled from the effect the words had on me. A memory of my grandmother telling my mother over and over again “he didn’t want to worry you” after we found out my dad had not paid the taxes for our mom’s business for years. That he’d died and left her with debt that almost cost her the business. That took us years to pay back. All because he thought he knew better than her. That by keeping her in the dark he was being her protector, when all he did was fuck her over.

“You knew that the whole time we were in Santa Fe.” My voice sounded wooden. Like it was someone else talking.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t want to worry me so you lied to me instead?” I knew that Theo was not my father. I wasn’t my mother. But in that moment, it didn’t seem to register. I felt betrayed and manipulated. I was gutted, because I really believed Theo understood me. “You let me believe that I was coming back to the show. Like a fool.”

“No,” he said, coming closer. He reached for me, but I backed away afraid of his touch. Afraid that it would make me weak again and want to forget how much this hurt. And I needed to remember. “Mi amor—”

“Don’t call me that!” I cried, backing away even farther until I was up against the wall.

“I’m going to fix this. I will make it right.” His eyes were bleak, and I noticed now that there were shadows under his eyes like he hadn’t been sleeping.

“How are you going to do that exactly, Theo?” I demanded, throat straining to speak through the constriction there. “I know this is hard for you to grasp, but you don’t actually control the entire world.”

“I love you,” he said, skittering out a breath. “We can figure this out.”

“I love you too, I really do,” I told him, standing up straight. Then I let him see much I was hurting. “But I can’t be with you right now, Theo.”