I knew she was right, but after the last ten years it was hard to shake off the feeling that there was a disaster lurking around every corner. That anything good that came our way would be promptly followed by a chaser of something horrible. Ten years earlier when I was a sophomore in college, my father had died unexpectedly, leaving my mother in a financial nightmare. It took years and me, my grandmother, and even my little brother working to help her to catch up to years of unpaid taxes and credit card debt. My mother had blindly trusted my father to manage their finances and he’d betrayed her. At nineteen I’d become her rock through all that, and in many ways I still was.

“It’s hard for me, Julia, you know that.” I glanced at my phone, which was still in her hand. Julia sent me one of those pitying looks I hated.

“You can take this time for yourself. You can be away from them and things won’t fall apart.” Intellectually I knew that Julia was right. My mom and abuela were healthy. My mom’s business was stable...finally. My siblings were thriving. We were hanging in there. Still, I worried that a call with an emergency would come in the middle of the night, like it had ten years ago, and I wouldn’t be there with my mom to help her.

“Alba...” Julia’s warning tone told me she knew exactly the kind of mental math I was doing. “You are entitled to take this step because it’s what you want, and it’s what’s best for you, without feeling guilty or selfish.”

I closed my eyes and exhaled, as warring thoughts swirled around in my head. Julia was right and I also couldn’t bear knowing I was a cause for my mother to worry. It was just so much easier when it wasn’t me. Which was why I had turned down a full ride to Savannah College of Art and Design but wrangled a yes out of my mother for my sister to go to UCLA next year when she got in this past winter. It was also why I didn’t take the job offer in Boston after grad school but pushed my little brother to take a position in Connecticut so he could be closer to his boyfriend when things between them got serious. It was the reason I’d delayed taking the plunge to start my own business for years, kept working for Theo, and living at home in case my mother needed me. My dreams were always the easiest to defer, but this time I knew I was being given an opportunity I could simply not pass up.