He always looked so big, so imposing. Like there was no storm he couldn’t weather. But I could see that my question put a chink in his armor. He shifted his shoulders like he was bracing for impact.

“You know why I’m here, Alba.” His gray eyes, which usually seemed impenetrable, were open now, almost vulnerable, and I wanted to reach for what he was handing me so badly. But I couldn’t throw myself on that offer. An exhale skittered out of my lungs and my mind clouded. What would happen after? He’d go back to New York, to his empire, and I would go back to chasing after the next carrot that was supposed to change everything for me until I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to admit that this experience had eroded my confidence. That I was beginning to think the only way I could achieve my dreams was by selling them out in the process.

“Theo, I can’t be in a relationship. That’s the one thing I know for sure I’ll fuck up. I am not who you want.”

He took a step toward me, but I held up a hand, retreating. Panicked that if he touched me, if he reached for me, I’d fall apart. Because I was tired. I was weak and doubting myself. Sad and disappointed that this show that I thought would be the break I finally needed had been such a struggle. I was mad at myself for getting my hopes up when I knew damn well things like this didn’t work out for people like me. That there would be no windfall from this, no offers pouring in. Because this was what always happened: whenever I thought I’d arrived, something happened that sent me back to the start. And worst of all, I was heartsick that I’d stupidly fallen for a man who could not tolerate disorder when I kept my life from imploding with duct tape and hope.

I had to tell him. Just say it, so he couldn’t deny that he didn’t know.

“The Alba that got your coffee just right every morning and kept your schedule perfectly for two years barely had her life together, Theo,” I spat out, needing him to see that he was better off walking away. “You have seen how I am. Chaotic, disorganized. I don’t eat right, I forget to exercise, I don’t sleep. My routine is shit. Theo, you demand perfection, I am not it.” I laughed bitterly, as a hot blur sprung to my eyes. “Fuck,” I muttered, swiping under my eyes, and suddenly I was enveloped in him. I shivered as his strong arms gathered me close.