My hands froze on the stitching when I heard his voice. I could pretend to barely notice he was there, but inside, there was a storm. The storm Theo brought with him whenever he came near me now. But this afternoon, I’d gotten the reminder I needed that I could not get swept into it again.

“I’ll eat when I’m done, I have to finish with this.” I forced myself to keep the machine going, even though I knew I’d risk messing up the stitching with as jumpy as he made me.

“Look at me, Alba.”

I didn’t want to look at him. Because I’d take what he was offering and that would sidetrack me.

“I don’t have time for this, Theo.” I heard his sigh behind me and then the scrape of what sounded like a plate being slid onto the dresser by the door. I let out an unsteady breath thinking he’d leave, but in the next moment his hands were on my shoulders. Heavy and warm, kneading at the muscles that ached from being hunched over for hours.

“They missed you tonight.” It was more of a question than a rebuke. Still, it smarted, making bitter bile rise in my throat. I hated always feeling like no matter how hard I worked I was letting someone down. Myself, my family, my friends. “I missed you.”

The last part made my resistance buckle. Theo’s words always seemed to burrow deeper than anyone else’s, effectively chipping away at the walls I’d so carefully erected around the place that yearned for things I could not have. It was better to redirect.

“How did it go with Dani’s friends?” On Saturday he’d told me he was going to meet with two Dominican athletes who were working on what sounded like an amazing plan for veterans. He didn’t answer my question right away, but when I lifted my eyes to him he didn’t look pissed that I’d ignored what he said. He seemed...cautiously excited.

“It was good, it’s a very exciting project. They need someone based in Texas to partner with.”

“That’s going to be a hell of a commute,” I joked, but he didn’t smile. I waited for him to tell me that he clearly couldn’t do it since he was based in New York, but he didn’t.

“It might be worth it though?” I asked, unable to help myself. I didn’t think I was wrong about Theo’s indifference to his work. He was different here and I suspected at least some of that had to do with being away from the demands of Ganas. I knew from experience that as hard as it was to grind for your dreams, it was much worse to kill yourself doing something you hated.